Taken from the book entitled: Sefa's bored ramblings as she waits for her leg to magically get better.
Its been two weeks since I hurt me leg and it still hurts to blazes and so far me family has been sucessful in keeping me away from ale. Its impressive just how much you miss it when its gone! I dream of running around with a tankard in me hand and mischief in me heart and then reality hits and I remember that I'm stuck in bed with a bad leg, no ale and certainly no mischief! Blooming well sucks, especially when you have a reputation to uphold like I do. Its not easy getting labelled as the village freak - takes time and talent to get to that stage. Alow me to share some tips in case any other bored sod fancies having a go at trying to take that title from me...
Tip one: ale is important. Without ale we alas have no excuse to be insane unless you actually want to be labelled as village idiot which is another title entirely. Obviously there are other alcoholic beverages that can produce the same effect but none of them work in the same way that ale does. For example, if you drink enough wine to get yourself drunk then doubtless you will still do lots of odd things and you will enhance your reputation but if you go with wine then you look a little indecisive because wine is more expensive than ale. Ale is the drink of the working man (and woman actually even if society doesn't really approve of this fact) and therefore if you go with a drink like wine then you just look like a bit of a posh git trying to be liked and that rather ruins the effect of any mischief that you may have been up to. Its also harder to get free wine compared to free ale and obviously you have to try and get it free because your attempts to get free ale usually land you in trouble before you've even had anything to drink!
Tip two: have something that is "yours". What I mean by this is make sure that people will recognise you as something other than a drunken freak because there's plenty of those around already. You need to have something specifically reminds people of you so that in conversation they can say things such as, "Oh yes, aren't they so and so with the..." My own identity comprises largely of hats. Obviously this effect has been somewhat ruined by the recent burning of my main hat although I hope to recreate the effect with a new and rather exciting hat with feathers in it. Many people think of me as "that drunken lass with the hat" rather than as Sefa and thus identity is created. Identity is important because only with identity can you build up a reputation.
Tip three: try not to do the same thing too many times. When you're trying to create a reputation its good to make sure that you maybe have one or two things that you always do, for example I'm always barfighting all over the place. But also make sure that you have plenty of other things to add to your name. I'm the lass who made a bonfire of all her brothers clothes after he burnts her hat. I'm the lass who once tried to shove an apple up someone's nose to see if it came out their mouth. I'm the lass who once starved herself to see if she could substitute ale as food. I have plenty of things to my name and thus I have plenty of things to my reputation. Ale obviously produces randomness but randomness should be part of your personality if you're seriously going for the freak title.
Tip four: make sure you have witnesses. There's no point in doing anything unless people know you're doing it. The best thing to do is get a crowd of at least a dozen men and women watching so that they have plenty of oppurtunity to spread rumours. Play off other people as well - for example punching someone in the face is a good way of letting them know that you are about to exit the premises as well as letting any witnesses know what a freak you are. In the end its the people of your village who award the title so they're the ones you have to please. Obviously a little internal freakishness can't hurt to get you in the right frame of mind although I advise caution where this is concerned, you don't want to get yourself locked up after all! Not that that's likely to happen to me because I choose my friends carefully and my best friend is a guard in the watch...although if I did something REALLY bad then even his influence may still see me jailed.
Tip five: have a backup plan. Obviously this isn't a full time career and I would strongly advise that you register this - new freaks come and old ones go so you can't expect to stay in the gossip forever. This is where I fail. I have absolutely no life plan beyond driving me parents up the wall and perhaps punching me brother in the face and this has obviously led to events that it probably shouldn't have. However fun it is being the village freak remember that there is life beyond wierdness.....oh who am I kidding? If there was life beyond wierdness then I probably wouldn't be sat in bed writing a bunch of semi-illiterate ramblings about being a freak! Oh well...
All I can say is good luck with your freakishness and remember to always down your ale in one.
