Diary of Fallidir: The pain of forgetting

~scribbled down, no date given. I woke up this morning, with my entire body hurting, what felt like steam blowing around in my head. The same as it has been for this past week, so I reached to where the pouch of herbs was, only to find it empty. I then remembered the incedent in the pony yesterday, involving the Old Forest elf, Amadreruil. And how she convinced me to throw the herbs into the fire, and so I did, and initially everything was fine. But then the head pain began coming back, with flashes of darkness. At this point, my memories of yesterday are fragmented at best, with flashes of faces, one was of Cymaru and her daughter, Argewyn I think... and a story about Joy planning to take over Bree, sounds absolutly rediculous to me writing this now, and I do wonder if I dreamt it up. There is one more memory... of twins, they were... all over me, and I did not stop them, admittedly it did not appear that bad. But then I have another flash with the twins, the second, with blood and screaming. So I fear what I may have done, what happened, and what the repercussions will be. And what price will this be on my heart, to know I did something to hurt them... Either way I cannot face this until I have strength enough to leave my home... I write this from my bed, as I cannot feel my legs this day. I am afraid....