The Diary of Fallidir: The journal of impossible events.

~Dated January 5th So many Fantastic things have happened to me since I returned to Eriador. I have met some very old friends, and made some new ones. I have read my past in a book, I have opened my eyes for the first time. I have even died. Truly this is becoming a journal of increasingly impossible events. When I returned I stayed for a time, in Imladris and I was - to my surprise - given access to lord Elrond's library in there I searched for my family, and any mention of what they have done in their time on this middle-earth. It was amazing, an Annundor was there when the great enemy of our time fell for the first time, on the slopes of mount doom, regretfully he perished during the battle, but the line lived on. It appears the family of Annundor have been involved with many affairs of Numenor, both of the southern line and the northern. However on the last day I was able to use lord Elrond's library, I found a little note about my mother's side of the family. Surely though it is not possible her line was of Numenor too? On the last day of my time in Imladris, I met a kindly she-elf named Gwilwielth, as well as her husband. Both elves of the Golden wood. Needless to say the she-elf was very interesting, and also very kind. She listened to the tale of my life and showed some sympathy. Of which I do not ask for when I tell it. I learned she was a healer by song, both of the mind and the body. She too was searching for the trail of her ancestors, great elf warriors, using the power of song to defeat their foes. I stayed for that night only before heading to my home in Bree-land. When I got home, my house was a mess. The fire went out; the house was all dusty and cold, with a bed leaking its feathers onto the floor. So I did what any good man would do. I went to get a drink. Of course, as usual Cymaru was there serving the drinks so once again I imparted to her one of my tales of far of places, pretty certain she would never visit the places I spoke of. And so several days and weeks past, one part worthy of note was my seeing of the she-elf Silwaen. A very kind elf, as most I have met are. But miss Silwaen was exceptional, she did light up my day when I saw her again, and she made me smile a lot. If there was an elf I would have liked to care for it would have been her. But we know from the old tales it would not be, and so I warded myself off from her, knowing too she would not have gone for a man. I actually rescued her from the Bree hedge-maze. She was just lucky I was running through it for a bet, otherwise she would have been stuck for a good long time. I ended up losing the bet too. So time passed again, with not much happening, a lot of moping around on top of a barrel if I recall, and all of it dull. That was until I met an old friend in fact an employee of sorts, one whom used to look after my horse. We met up a few times, and since she was currently sleeping on the floor of an old woman's house I offered her my spare room, and a good meal to eat. Had I known what was about to transpire I am unsure if I would have managed without my new boarder. It was but the first night my boarder had come to stay, we had a meal and we spoke. And on my way to my bed I slipped and fell, hitting my head severely as I write this the bruise remains on my forehead, purple and sore. I was unconscious and my poor guest did not know what to do although she was clever enough to place me in my bed... also she should be thankful I am not as heavy as I probably look these days. And I slept for the better part of a day, and my guest kept an eye on me as long as she could keep her eyes open. When I awoke the poor woman was slumped against the wall of my room fast asleep, so I replaced myself with her in the bed. I took watch over her and began to read a book. She awoke soon with a start with a slight sense of panic, simply because she did not recognise her surroundings until she saw me. But then something strange happened, I felt dizzy, and began to hear whispering in my ears that did not exist. I began seeing phantom shapes reaching out to me, and it hurt, always did it hurt even to think of anything. What was the worst was that I have dealt with this once before, a long time ago now I was helping a young woman who was being attacked. Consequently then I was hit hard on the head by the flat of an axe. At that time there was only one other mind, and that aided me. It protected MY mind from the outside world while I healed, but when it came to the point where I would reclaim my body it would not give it up, so I defeated it and reclaimed my body by force. This case though was different as it seemed there were five other minds working against me, I later found out who and what they embodied. The first was named Sloth, a slow and cumbersome beast, but with fierce strength and undeniably clever. But it always asked to rest and sleep, the form it took was that of a bear –each of the minds had their own embodiment-. The second was named Hunger, a stupid beast but terrifying to face. All it wanted was to devour all including human flesh. The third mind was named Anger, all it wished to do was to destroy all and create chaos and death. Truly a mad thing, bent on the destruction of all. In my mind it was shown as a great dragon breathing fire and raining fire down upon me. The fourth mind was truly disturbing and I wish not to write down the details. Its name though was Lust, it was clever and devious. And as its name implies it only wanted one thing. Finally I come to the ringleader of all the other minds, the strongest and by far the most intelligent. The mind I speak of was named Greed, and as the name entails it sought to own everything and control all, no matter the cost, and he would not share if he could take my mind alone. He was in the form of a dear old friend, dead now and did not have anything to do with Greed. It took on the form of Fallian my dwarvish friend who I had known since I was just a babe, it was a foul tactic to use a face I recognised instead of just a beastly form to scare me. But that was not all of it. No, in my mind all these other minds turned against me and we fought on the battlefield of my brain. My poor sweet guest had no clue of what was going on, and in a brief moment of freedom from the assault on my mind I managed to tell her the recipe of a sleeping draught, armed with this she went out and collected the ingredients for it and returned to a near destroyed house. The beast, Anger, managed to gain control of my body for a short time, and in that time he tore books into shreds, destroyed furniture, and tried to wring the neck of my songbird. Just luckily it escaped before he managed. When my guest returned with the items I fought for control once more and gained enough time to make the draught and give her the key to my house and gave her one last instruction. That when I take the draught she was to knock me out and lock me inside, and search for the elf Gwilwielth in hope she could cure me of this madness. I took the draught, and my guest did as she was told. She hit my head very hard actually cutting it causing blood to flow from it; she locked me in as well and searched for aid. I slept for the better part of a day from the combination of the draught and the blow to the head. It should be noted that the way of these beasts worked inside my mind was this. In my mind they challenged me to a fight, and if they somehow managed to defeat me they gained control of my body until I was strong enough to take it back again. If they lost I kept control. These challenges were continuously given to me, even when I appeared to be asleep. And needless to say each one left my mind and my body weakened. When I awoke my guest was standing over me with the brother of the elf Gwilwielth, they had bound me to the bed, wisely for their own protection, for if the minds were free from me and allowed to roam I fear the worst may have happened. They told me that Gwilwielth was a full four days hard ride from here and that I would have to endure until then. I then told them to not feed me or give me water, that should the other minds take over my body would not be strong enough to break free. And so the four days melded into a barrier less period of time with near constant attacks in my mind from three of the five competing minds. Sloth was not to be seen until the last day again, and Hunger perished from my fasting. And the worst time was when Greed took control; he nearly managed to persuade my guest to set my body free from its bindings with promises of the world and happiness. I managed to intervene at the last moment and at the end of that day I was still bound to my bed. Finally the last day arrived and Gwilwielth came and gave me food and water so I would have the strength to defeat each of the other minds, this would have been the last day regardless as I could feel nothing of my body save my throbbing head. But even so we began the task of driving these beasts from my mind. First to the fray was anger, and encouraged by the songs of old played by Gwilwielth to give me strength and to weaken these fouls beasts of the mind. Anger put up a ferocious fight, nearly the hardest of the day, but eventually we prevailed and Anger was banished from my mind. It was told to me my body produced such a wail of pain that it made the heart of my guest freeze for a moment, and bless her she tried to get into my house to help. But she was not allowed. The next mind to set against me was that of Lust, which in my mind took the form of a woman, knowing in the real world I would never raise my hand to a woman. It was just fortunate I knew it was only an illusion and I defeated it swiftly. Finally we matched up against the beast named Greed, but things were poorly. My strength was sapped by the two previous battles for my mind, and Gwilwielth’s songs had no affect on Greed. We fought and fought, until at least I was cast down, broken and defeated in my mind, near to the brink of death itself. And as to give me one last blow, the beast Greed took control of my body, and showed me what he was doing… He snapped the bindings that had long held against repeated struggles from my body. Greed was free at last, and his first target was the elf who had helped me cast down his allies in my mind. He batted away her instrument and wrapped my hands around her throat, choking the life out of her. This was too much for me to bear, so I summoned the last of my strength and destroyed Greed with my last reserves. I did cast down the evil known as Greed, and he fell into the nothingness and the realm of the dead. But he grabbed my arm and pulled me into the abyss with him. As I fell I saw Gwilwielth and smiled. It was over. All went black, I felt cold and I felt myself float away with a strong current. I was dead. But then to my surprise I felt the touch of a hand… no a paw, it was Sloth. He pulled me out of the current, out of the abyss and spoke to me. He took my place in the land of the dead, as are the rules of such a place, he imparted to me he last strength. I had wondered why he did not attack me as much as the others. But then I realised he was not truly against me and biding his time and his strength to aid me in the end. But for what purpose I do not know. I opened my eyes, to see my faithful guest beside me once more. She was weeping as in this world I was seen to stop breathing for a long time. And thought lost. But I took in the air once more and I saw my guest, no longer my guest. She was now a part of my life, I love her to the very end of my life, she is my Brethil. And I am her Doron, the strong Oak.