I had just entered Lord Elrond’s great hall, and was making my way to the Hall of Fire, when a hand darted out from behind a pillar, catching me by the wrist. I was shocked to come face to face with my brother Culufinnel!
We stood staring at one another for several moments before he spoke. “Ai!” he exclaimed, gazing intently at my face and appraising my worn appearance. I admit I have looked better, having just come off the road from a very long and wearisome journey, and he had not seen me in some time - not since my service in the Golden Host about five summers ago at Thangúlhad Fortress, and much had happened to me since. My brains reeled; no words would come to my lips, and I stood aghast, half-listening as my brother said that he had waited a very long time for my return. Now that he found me, he would not leave me; he could see that I was ill; very poorly I must have fared on my journey, but no one in the Household could tell him its purpose, or where we had gone. He wished to go some place quiet, some place where we could talk. I shook my head frantically, and said something about how I could not possibly speak with him that instant, having urgent business with Sogadan in the Hall of Fire, who was waiting for my arrival. Culufinnel was mighty irritated, and urged me to hurry up and excuse myself. Over to Sogadan! I said to myself, and strode past my brother purposefully, to the vintner's place at table. But noticing how my brother had fallen in step behind me, and knowing that he was standing there glaring at me, listening keenly to everything I said, I was made so nervous, that I could only stammer out a few words to my friend. Sogadan was taken completely by surprise; seeing the blank look on his face, I knew I had not explained anything, but now there was no time, and thinking that I would never see him again, I embraced him, and bade him farewell, thanking him heartily for his friendship.
“Is your fondness for wine so great, that you cannot resolve to part with it?” muttered Culufinnel as he bustled me off, half-pushing, half-carrying me out of the Last Homely House, for my legs refused to bear me up, until we arrived at the door of the little guest-house that was my chambers. Shutting the door fast behind me, he set me down upon my chair, and revealed his purpose. He had searched high and low for me in secret, he said, only to find that I was living in an easy, comfortable manner as the Ambassador of Bar-en-Vanimar. He had sworn fealty to the Fountain Order, but his relation to me he kept secret. I was much astonished to hear this declaration, and then Culufinnel endeavoured to convince me that my position in the House was only due to the opinion of the leadership of the Lord Anglachelm, an opinion that he abhorred for its inconstancy with truth. I ought not to be among these elves, he said, but for some reason or other, I had been accepted by them, and was even given a responsible position and a certain authority - he had even heard it said that I was a favourite of Lord Anglachelm! - but now, with my lord captured by the Enemy, my place within Bar-en-Vanimar was empty, and I should return with him to the Greenwood at once.
His words at once put me into my old, accustomed way of thinking. I was reminded of who I was, and whence I had come. A shabby light was cast upon my circumstances, and what I had accomplished so far. It did not seem very much. In my mind revolved the hundred thousand ways I had vowed to help Lord Anglachelm. A hopeless dream it had always been, only mist and vapour, and would ever be; without any bright prospects ahead, and my lord a victim of the Enemy Host, the gloomy clouds of despondency surrounded me once again and squeezed my heart so tight that I could not speak. Finally, when it became clear by his annoyed sighs that Culufinnel expected an immediate answer, I whispered that he should leave me for a time; I would consider his words, and wished to be alone with my thought.
“Consider rather,” said he, stepping closer, “what you owe our father. Your former errors in conduct are only like stains on silk, unsightly, but soon disappeared with proper care and attention; should you refuse to return with me to the Greenwood, I will be forced to reveal them to the Lords of your House, and your brightest actions will be dimmed, and your fine reputation with these high folk ruined. And then you will forever lose their esteem; they will be ashamed of you, and your companions will cast you out.”
“You would denounce me!” I cried. “You, who have concealed your brotherhood to me from the entire House!”
“Right glad am I that you wanted nothing to do with me, dear Parnard, and did not mention your brother to these elves: else they would have considered me a fool as well.”
I was so provoked by these words, that I could not bear the sight of him. “Get out,” I yelled.
“Who are you to command me?” he replied angrily.
I made for the door, but he caught hold of me by my long sleeve. The mirror next to us trembled and fell to the floor with a crash. Would that I had my sword! I was very much surprised by his obstinacy and sudden violence, and I thought to escape his rage by running round my chambers, but he pursued me with the same fury, knocking over the furniture so that I could not avoid his blows. Then he lunged forward, putting himself in front of the door to block my escape. I stepped swiftly from side-to-side, intending to feint one way, and then duck under his arms and bolt outside, but he guessed my movement, or he was the swifter. He grabbed hold of my forearm, wrenching my injured shoulder backward, shoving me against my writing desk. The pain burst forth and made me howl, and I fought him with all that was in me, beating him about the head and neck with whatever close object I could lay my hand on: books, an inkwell, finally taking up a heavy porcelain vase and smashing it over his skull. Whereupon he swore, and struck out his fist, smiting me full across the face so that I fell across the floor. I groaned and lay still, perceiving that I could not best him, seeing how weak and puny I was compared to his angry strength, and how desperate he was become. Culufinnel stood at the door, listening hard for some sign of response from outside, and warned me to be quiet, else he would reveal my shameful deeds to the House; and my fate be on my own head if I tried to run away - he might be forced to hunt me down like a dog and break both my legs. Then his manner suddenly changed, and it was very strange to see him so calm and cheerful with his flame-bright hair dabbled in blood.
“They do not need any more of your absurdity here, brother. We are leaving for the Greenwood now – and that is it!”
I hung my head, and said that I was resolved to go away with him, but the effect of my misfortunes may impede our progress, for I had been so ill with the pain in my side and shoulder that I had no rest whatever, and I felt so downcast and low, and was so much fatigued, that I thought I might lie down and die on the road, but added bravely, "Go on, sir, we will go Home, and I dare say we will do very well.” Culufinnel frowned down upon me with a wrathful meaning, as if to threaten me of the dreadful consequences of delay, and told me that a fool will always find some way to kill himself. He bade me lay quiet while he sought medicine, and he would return for me soon. By this, I knew he was greatly worried about my welfare, and that it was part of some scheme in his mind to have me brought back to the Greenwood alive. I asked Culufinnel, somewhat hopefully, if we were returning to Thangúlhad, but he left without replying.
O, if only Lord Anglachelm could help me! I would throw myself at his feet, and beseech him for mercy; I would beg him to preserve me, and protect me from the cruel heart of my brother who desires to turn my brethren away from me. I would betake the new course he gave me, and receive the punishment I deserve. I own that the manner in which I have carried myself may have set an ill example, but I swear never to distress or trouble any one ever again! To think my lord once looked down on this miserable subject, unworthy of kind regard, and blest him with honour. Alas, he is gone away forever, and all my happiness is now vanished.
