Well, hello you old thing. I have no clue why I have kept this journal for so long even though I've never written in it. I remember my brother gave me you for my fifteenth birthday, and even when I was banished from my home, I still kept you. I suppose a lot keeps happening to me, even though at this point I have given up any goal I had before just so I can try to get back to safety. Though I don't think I have ever been safe. But whatever. You know, it's a pain in the ass to write with a missing finger. I still can't figure out why those men wanted to kill me so bad. All I know is it hurts to eat, to lay down, to move. I still can't walk, but it has only been a day since I returned home. I'll heal in time I suppose.
But, I have no clue what I want anymore. I can't protect the ones I care about, hell even Balthen alone was able to strangle me... And whenever I tried to help someone, I am attacked. Like that Gwyn-ewhatever lady. I tried to help her and next thing I knew I was in a dungeon with a whip to my back. I'm not going to help a stranger again, I am tired of people nearly killing me every time I try. It's not worth it anymore.
Though is going on worth it anymore? Everyone said I was strong and that I am a warrior, but I don't think I am strong enough for all of this. Constantly. I have friends around a lot of the time, but the second that I am alone, someone attacks me. I don't understand why, or who. I'm just tired of having to force myself to be 'strong.' Clearly I am not able to do that, but it kills me to not be able to... never mind. I should put you up. I think I hear someone coming to check on me.
