Depression is a gripping root that cannot be cut by the sharpest axe of the most caring person. It’s quicksand that cannot be escape, only dragging you further down the most desperate you become to escape it’s thralls. It is poisonous gas mutating only more, despite how much oxygen may be used to try and counter it.
The only person that can escape the deadly grips is the person within it; and sometimes that person just can’t figure it out.
Zurich stood before the jail, her single blue eye glazed over as it stared hauntingly at the building, caught behind the gates separating her from the inside. If there was supposed to be a guard on duty, there was none posted where he should have been; but Zurich made no attempts to pass into the gates. It didn’t matter if she’d be able to, in any case—the captain, Rhyva Red, would have nothing to offer her. She knew of the woman’s crimes well enough, but never once had she even mentioned punishing her for what she had done.
Thievery, kidnappings, murder, blackmail…Was there punishment for the amount of lives she alone had ruined, even without breaking other laws through them? Was there punishment for watching the lives she loved crumble around her and not make a move to save them? Punishment for turning a blind eye to her friends falling down paths she knew they wouldn’t come out of?
If there were, no one was giving them. There was one last person Zurich had sworn not to harm, but of course, she had; of course, she didn’t deserve to be forgiven for it. She didn’t deserve to love her anymore, even if she did, to the deepest of her heart. Zurich believed that there was little she deserved, anymore. There were many people she wanted to blame it on, from the nobles to her own boss, to the wicked and evil that had strung her up as their victims. There was nothing, though, that she could do to bring revenge. Wasn’t that the cause of this entire mess? Revenge.
She once had an entire list of those to seek vengeance for, for those to subject to revenge. Each and every one of those people only fell to a worse life, and those she tried to help only seemed to fall to the last of their lives in the worst of ways. That left only one person to seek revenge against, to truly protect her love, and what little gripping memories of existing friends she had.
Herself.
Wrapped in the furs and leathers hunted and crafted by her mate, unmoving to the bitter chill and cut of the wind, Zurich held a makeshift noose in her hand. There was no lynching platform, for there was no one the Watch planned to hang that day; no reason to construct one. But there was nothing more that Zurich wanted than for true justice to ensue. Long ago, long ago…Hadn’t that been one of her goals? To clean the streets of Bree of crime and scum, to bring justice to the commonfolk who only just wished to live and work and love and breathe and be safe.
Forward. Step, step, step…Up the steps she went, until the gate stopped her from progressing. That was okay, though; she didn’t need to go further. Holding her breath as she leaned over to the right, Zurich pitched one end of the noose over the top of the fence, where it caught; pulling it tightly, she could feel as it held sturdy, ungiving.
“For each coin I stole…”
Her small voice carried into the air, lost to any listening.
“For conspiring…For lying to Sarriya, for carrying her off as she begged to me…”
Her single eye fell to the looped end of the noose, still in her hands.
“For blocking Catilyn at the door. For ruining her life. For standing by, and convincing myself Harlyn knew right.”
She did not shed a tear as she spoke. She did not tremble, nor did she stutter.
“For Lucatiel. For the Watcher I allowed to die for Lucatiel. For those Lucatiel hurt because I wouldn’t hurt her.”
The noose slipped over her neck, but her body stood rigid, in place.
“…For Ann, who helped me live my delusions. For Ann, who I did not help once. For Roth, who I told to jump from the roof, and kill himself. For Hecturn, whom I never loved. For Amerry, who I did not save, and did not try to heal. For Balthen, who I ruined because he was just concerned.”
She took a shuddering breath, closing her eye as tears began to gather in the corner of her eye.
“…For Bouddycca. For cheating, for lying, for dragging her into danger when I swore to not…For who I couldn’t love as someone should love…”
Her breath caught, and she took a dry gulp.
“For Blince…Who I only disappoint now…”
The tears finally fell, streaking red over honey-scarred skin.
“…For those I don’t remember anymore.”
Her body launched forward, off of the side of the stairs. There was no cry, no last noise of fear to emit into the dead night air. Only a crisp snap, as the rope hit the furthest length it could unfurl; she didn’t die immediately, feet brushing just over the cobblestone ground beneath; there were few, unknown seconds that the life seeped from her body, her vision peering out to the swept city of Bree. It faded away, not a memory left to be kept.
(( thank you to everyone who has rped with me, and helped me shape this character. From here, I’m going onto hiatus from lotro until I get my RL together. Send me a message if you want to keep in touch over skype or anything ))
