I have never written down my thoughts before, this is the first time I do...
I don't have any adventures to tell stories about, nor any deeds worth writing about either. This words will probably not be of any use for someone else than myself. Perhaps looking at my words will give me comfort and joy in the future. But I also believe is good to write down thoughts, to have they sorted and force to reflect about your own emotions and actions.
I wonder why I feel so empty nowadays and have this urge to write. I believe is because I lost someone I cherish so much. Lord Darnur. His last words were when he asked me to play him one last song. I never forget the night when I was standing by his deathbed after a deadly wound caused by his son Daelith. I never forget his eyes.. I know Lord Darnur do not hold any grief towards his son Daelith. It was an awful accident, and I know Daelith never meant to hurt his father. I also think about Daelith. He disappeared after that night, I believe he left in despair. I wonder where he went...
This loss of my two friends have made me even more isolated and I see myself seek more dark and unknown places. The soothing song I often hear is getting stronger and more alluring. The one that I believe is trying to summon me someplace, is more determined and eager, he wants me to come...And I don't know why this is happening to me,and I don't know who he is.. But I can't leave Imladris. Not yet. I am still studying as a historian and I try to learn the way of Warden as well, I want to patrol alone in the dark. Defend civilians that needs help if they unexpected get attacked by the evil. But I am not ready yet, I feel too much fear and sadness. I have to control this fear first of all. And I have decide to seek crowded places and joyful events just to control my sadness. Perhaps it makes me forget, and perhaps helps me to ignore this dark song I often hear. But I can't really find my place amongst this gatherings of my own race of Eldar. I cannot read them nor understand them.
There is one person though that I have known for a long long time...Failandos, he is someone I've always felt deep connection with. But I do not see him often. I feel he is just like me, he also avoid gatherings and seek empty places, he has also been let down because of whom he is. He is someone that also feels his mission is to be a Warden as well. Just like me. I feel that I can understand him as he understands me. He is a reflection of me really. These results in that we never can find each other and be together often as friends, is quite ironic really, the one you like most, seems to be mostly far away from you..
