Drevorin came to see me.
I had not expected that. I had expected my letter to him to go unheeded, ignored, but he suprised me.
We spoke for a while. I decided that it was time to let go of my pain. He watched as I used his dagger to score my arm deeply. He listened as I explained why I did so. My blood ran hot and thick, down my arm and across my hand and I watched it creep away, carrying the agony with it. Twice I cut myself as he looked on. He sought to stem the flow, but I would not allow it. I needed the release. I needed to be free and he understood enough to let me become so in my own manner.
At first, he thought that I wished him gone, that in ridding myself of what was I also rejected him. I told him otherwise, though. He spoke words of love and comfort, then, and he kissed me. My fingertips left little bloody marks upon his pale cheek, but he cared not for that. He pulled me down, gently so as not to pull on the stitches in my abdomen, and in his arms I lay as the lingering ache of the last months oozed from my lacerations.
Before he left, he promised to return to me. Try as I might, however, I doubt that he will be able to keep his word. Too many seek retribution for his sheltering of the blonde-haired harlot, for what he did to Blodwynn, for all the lies, manipulations and a hundred other things besides.
As I look at him now, I see the man I love and I am filled with joy, but at the same time I see that vision of his death and I know despair. I know what is to come and I am powerless to prevent it. I have tried over and over to lead him along a new path, but I fail every time and now...
In his wake, I was left with only two injuries to my arm. That was not enough. One scar inside, one scar outside; that is how it must be. That is what I know. I took up his knife again and I added to the raw wounds. One for his death. One for the night Davick betrayed us. One for the night I gave him back the engagement ring. One for each day that passed between then and our reunion. One for his leaving me. One for his protection of Rosabur. One for his wounding Blodwynn. One for his destruction of Bearn's house. One for him not trusting me.
I watched the blood flow for a time, glistenining beneath the afternoon light through the pane of thick glass in my window. I felt it all leech away. I felt the burden lifted. When my vision began to swim and my head became light, I cleansed the cuts with brandy, wrapped my arm tightly with a bandage and lay down to rest. It was some hours before I could rise again to remove the bloodsoaked bedsheets and even then it took me a long time.
Now, I can only hope that Drevorin returns and that Davick does not learn of our renewed relationship. He will stop at nothing to see us torn assunder. He told me that much, and more.
