13 Lithe ~
I am up far too early for I've had trouble sleeping. The situation with Bill has bothered me more than I wanted to admit to myself. I've never been one to be overly cautious, despite the dire warnings from my father and brothers about being too friendly. I am sure he meant no harm but I realize I put myself into a dangerous position. I was alone in the park with a man who is much larger than me and armed not to mention the crimes of which he was accused. I have trouble associating those violent murders with the jolly lumber jack that I remember not to long ago. He came onto me so suddenly and strong that I was unsure how to react so I flirted and teased him. There is a pathetic part of me that craves attention, even when it's dangerous. Well, especially when it's dangerous. Now I feel I might have not done the right thing and lead him on. Perhaps I should have slapped him when he put his hands on me but maybe that would have just angered him? I don't know, I just know that I've never felt that nervous. Hesitant to hurt his feelings because I was afraid of his reaction. Bill seemed to find some comfort in my presence but I cannot put aside my feelings for another just to please someone else. It is not a position I am used to finding myself in and I feel rather guilty to think that he would be capable of anything forceful, especially after what his poor wife went through. I'm probably letting Mrs. E's paranoia sink in. She thinks every other man is a debaucher and abuser. Probably says more for her marriage than the men of this town.
