I knew life in Bree would be hard, but not this hard. If I had known of the struggles I would face, perhaps I would have stayed in Dale. But then again I'm not the same lass I once was. I used to fear my punishment for misbehaving now I don't fear much... Losing Skelly aye but nothing as petty as a punishment... Not anymore.
This time I feel losing an uncle, a friend, maybe both. Seaver made me swear on Skelly's life that I wouldn't warn Owen of what is to come. Perhaps I befriend the wrong people but I can't help seeing the best in people seeing that not everyone in Bree are killers, abusers and thieves. My pa-pa for example he kills but mostly to protect his family, some might believe this a little too far in my fathers head he just means well.
I feel as if I'm losing my touch with seeing the best in people though. Like this town is just sapping it from me. I've been feeling like this for a few days now. Owen was a good man to me, we shared jokes and drunk whiskey. He really is like an uncle to me but if he has killed Seaver's love then I do not know what to think of him, it makes me think about what else he could of done. What else anyone could have done.
I just wish I hadn't got myself into this in the first place, I should've let Skelcar handle it. But no as usual I have to help before I even know the full details. I fear of I ever see Owen that the words will just come from my mouth without hesitation, how can Seaver believe I will not tell him? It feels wrong... Against my nature to not warn him of the doom that lay around the corner.
I wish I could talk to someone about it but I cannot. I can't speak of Seaver being in town, nor can I speak of where Skelcar and I live. It is like I have spun myself a web of secrets that I can't escape from.
I fear the end of this, Seaver himself told me this would end in blood and I believe him, this has been building up he told me he's done thinking and wishes to act soon. He told me that if I do decide to warn Owen that he'd rather I stabbed him in the front than the back... Because he'd want to hand me the dagger himself.
I'm not a killer. I'm a mercenary aye, but I wouldn't betray a friend like that.
Once this is over, I think I'm going to need sometime to just sit and take everything in. It is going so fast I feel so lost in it all.
