Is this what it is like to have friends? Endless excuses offered and given to prevent ones departure?
Honey and her shop give me reason to return. This is new. I've never felt any desire to go back before. I have never looked back. I take what I can from a place and then I move on. That has always been my way. But then, I never allowed myself friends before. I never had Honey. Her method, at least, brings me back rather than attempts to keep me.
The palette cleanser - I'm sure he has a name. I may consider asking him about that one day. - he offers opportunities elsewhere. Some deranged hunt to the east; for what he does not know. Where he does not tell. And why? Does it matter? There is the promise of loot, so I'd be interested, of course. I have to stock Honey's shop somehow. But he doesn't know enough of the venture yet and I cannot be waiting around for him to do the relevant research.
Meanwhile Handsome is grief-ridden. I try to understand, to lend a sympathetic ear but what do I really know about any of this? I've never cared enough for anyone to actually be effected by their passing. I've never stayed around long enough to see someone who was. I behave myself, keeping a careful distance in all things, when all I want to do is ravage the man. But what would that achieve? A momentary satisfaction for me, certainly. Guilt for him, though, and why? Societal notions of what is proper behavior? Regardless, he's expressed an interest in joining me on the road for a time. I question the wisdom of that. Getting away from his daily life might do him some good under the circumstances, but there are no two ways about it; we would be in very close proximity for the duration. If such sustained intimacy forced him to give into his desires, would he not hate himself for it?
Why do I even care about these things?
This is becoming too much. It is overwhelming. I have to leave.
I'll make my goodbyes. Normally I wouldn't even do that much, but isn't that a requirement of friendship?
I should never have broken rule one.
