I admit, I could have taken another route when I rode out of Towerglan this morn. Instead of using the bridge to cross the stream in the village I used the ford, and because this page will end up like the last, at the back of the fire, I will admit that I chose that route so I could ride past Seaver's house, why? I do not entirely know, for I had no desire to catch the attentions of that guard of his, the one who sired my nanny's son and then denied him. Aanya has been a faithful nanny and wet nurse, yes, the girl is scatter-brained, a terrible gossip and a fool where men are concerned. Indeed the first man I ever took up with proved himself a cheat, yet I have remained on good terms with him, because all that he did was find a woman he loved more than I.
Curiously, Seaver has had bars placed at his windows. A rather incredulous reaction to a cracked pane of glass? I know the man cannot bear broken, dirty or untidy belongings, but to bar one's windows just because someone cracked a pane of glass? It was an accident of sorts, I had cast the stone at that dreadful guard of his, because he had mocked and reminded me, that Seaver's door opened and closed with the comings and goings of so many women. That is entirely Seaver's business, I warmed his bed, I did not command his heart or place demands on our arrangement, other than he may afford me some dignity and recognition that I have offered him friendship as well as the warmth of my body.
This morn, however, that dreadful guard was not at his post in front of Seaver's house, nor was he there upon my return after a long day on the farm. Perhaps it is the fellows day off, I wish Seaver would give him every day off. Perhaps if I throw more horse shit at him, the guard would leave on his own accord, I doubt it, and it is hardly the act of a sensible mother is it? But it made me feel better all the same.
I wondered if he was sat in his house, brooding with a bottle of rum? Then let him, but I fear he will never find what he seeks at the bottom of a bottle, I do not even think he knows what he seeks, but I think that I do.
Working on the farm today, as much as I did not want them to, my thoughts kept drifting back to Seaver and that broken window. I have broken quite a few windows in my time. I confess, it is rather therapeutic and brings some closure.
I mentioned Rossethor before. Ah, dear Rossethor, he was the first man I ever committed myself to. Before him I had quite the reputation. Why shouldn't a woman enjoy a man on the same terms as a man enjoys a woman without joining with her in marriage? I am neither a spiteful woman that will not suffer my man around other women, I despair at such women, clawing, scratching, competing, should we women not be allies of one another?
Rossethor was one of The Bloody Dawn, a group of sellswords who made their home in Towerglan. Their Captain was a man named Hardoleth, a formidable man, and one who was to feature heavily in my life, he is after all my son's natural father. Hardoleth, took two of Rossethor's fingers for his part he played in maiming Burlnard, another in the sellsword company. Rossethor and a man named Dataak took Burlnards eye during a brutal beating they gave him. Yes, it was a dreadful act, but I did not agree with Captain Hardoleth's justice, and so I broke most of the windows in his mead hall. The Captain was a misunderstood man, for all that I had done, he took me in when I was homeless and we lived together as husband and wife for quite some time. You would think I would feel naught but bitterness towards a man who would abandon me on the day I birthed his son to return to the life of a bachelor, Nay, why cling to a man who no longer wants to be with you? We remained friends until he was taken from this world.
Rossethor repaid my affections by taking my best friend Nimeway for his lover, so I had to leave, and I broke every window in his damned house too. I have broken lots of windows in my time, windows in houses I have burgled in my days as a thief, windows of those who have angered me. So much broken glass, and ironically, the broken pane in Seaver's window was a mere accident, albeit still from a stone thrown in anger. Mayhaps it is fitting? After all being around Seaver is like treading on broken glass anyway. And is this what it has come to?
On the morrow, I will send a messenger to Seaver's with coin to pay for his window, I will even pay for the bars he has put up, after all I have been dealing with the bars he has placed around himself long enough.
What guile’s me the most, is for all my brave words, am I really ready to give up on my childhood friend? Perhaps he leaves me no choice! Where is he? He has not knocked on my door since it happened. You are such a fool Neyaa Sunngifu, leave well alone for no good can come of this!
