I was told by Taala that Seaver is upset with me. His reasons, I have not been by to see him. Aye, for some time after I met Aeruthuil (Aeru) I chose to not go around him. Is that not what most women do when they discover love? Seal themselves away until they have had their bodies filled to a point of bursting, then filled more, with the love of that man. I am no different, I wished to be around him every moment of every day, but soon one must realize they are forbidding their life, and love is a wonderful golden cage that I did not mind being trapped in. Not if it meant being trapped there with Aeru. As all wonderful things go, reality set it and it was time to return to the world of norm. During that time, there was a dinner with Seaver. We spoke some, I apologized for not going to see him. He really had become a friend first. As things would have it, I soon found myself with child. That was a wonderful thing to learn, I had not thought I could be in such a way, not with what had happened when I was younger. But it had. That was when things got worse. A visit to Aeru’s camp by Tal, Seaver on her heels. Dark looks at Aeru, words from the man’s mouth that it might be his. Might be his?! Is he daft? He had been seeing Miss Neyaa for months before I even met Aeru. Once I learned of her, saw the look in his eyes at the mention of her name.. No, I knew there was no place for me in Seaver’s heart. I told myself I did not want anything real, but I knew deep inside I did. So I stepped away then. A slip from Skel’s lips about her, but it was enough. I wasn’t jealous, just hated to have the exploits thrown in my face. Who would want to know whom their bed partner was bedding while bedding you? No one that I know of, well perhaps Tal, so she could compare. Always the competitive type, she is my best friend, yet I see so little of her. I love her spirit, I tried to be like her, not a care in the world, but it is not who I am.
It was those looks, the claim to Aeru’s child that upset Aeru, who could blame him. He forbade me to see Seaver. I laughed, he knew better than that. Alas it worked in some ways. Seaver still had Miss Neyaa, and I now had a child in my belly. But it only lasted for a short time. I went to his Inn looking for him, not once, but thrice. He was never there. I left no name, cared not to bother. All three times I wore heavy robes and hid my face as best I could. There was a complication in being with Aeru’s child, it marked me as a tool to use against him. One man went as far as pointing an axe at my belly. Does Seaver ask about this? Did he ask why I didn’t come to see him? No, instead he offers nasty looks. Even when I told him I had come to his home three times, he still glares at me. It can only draw me to one conclusion, he is not upset that I have not seen him, he is upset I no longer share his bed. To the abyss with that. He speaks to Tal of how I hurt him, yet where was his worry of me while I was in the hands of Angmarim, being taken the valar know where, half dead from bleeding after giving birth to my son. No, I will not stoop to his level. This problem is his own. If he does not accept me as a friend, then it is his loss. Friendship goes two ways, it takes two to make it work. I tries to visit while hiding my identity as best I could. Plus, I could hardly visit the man while in a damp, dark room somewhere in the Downs. So be it, if he hates me now. Aeru and Aeth are my life, perhaps I should hand this sigil off to another. I am a mother now..
Alas, that is something to think on another day. I wish to at least try, if I can get people in one place at one time. I wonder when Tal will have her wedding party… I wonder if my love, Aeru will go with me as well. So many things on my mind, so little time to write them while keeping Aeth from drooling on the page. ((The corner of the page had water stains where Aeth, did indeed, drool on it.))
