Found:
A great reluctance.
Having finalized my preparations, I returned to the White Wolf for one last bed-bound slumber only to find the impossible; Rhaug was seated inside!
I joined him of course! How could I not? He has rapidly become one of my favourite people and although he largely kept the topic upon me, much to my chagrin, I did manage to get a few choice morsels of personal information from him in turn.
I also gained an answer as to the reason behind his naming of me as "cruel!" It would seem my dear darling Rowan enjoys my company a little too much, though I suspect he would never speak such damning words of his own volition. Indeed, he admitted only that my kisses leave him wishing for more and that more than kisses would be a cruelty of its own due to my inevitable departure.
And yet, he seemed so perfectly comfortable with me seated upon his lap, one hand at my waist and the other upon my thigh. In this case, his body language is very much at odds with his verbiage! Not that I mind this inconsistency, of course. His continued denial of his desires toward me are both fascinating and amusing. I find myself wondering just how comfortable he would become had I elected to remain.
That is a pointless wonderment to indulge, however. I am leaving and my journey will take more than half a year at the very least. By the time I come back, should that occur at all, his situation may have drastically changed. Although he scoffed at my suggestions of returning to find him married with a child on the way, it is not outside the realm of possibilities. Much can change in a year.
Toddir joined us later in the evening. As ever, his presence was welcome, although more so than usual this time around. A few less than genteel jokes led to him sitting upon my lap even as I sat upon Rowan's lap! An interesting little position to be in, I must say. I was, for an hour or more, the filling in a Silver sandwich and, as mildly uncomfortable as it may have been, it was also a great deal of fun! Poor Rowan was quite squashed, his legs left deadened by the combined weight of myself and the flamboyant Bree-lander! Toddir and I, of course, were making the best of it and enjoying ourselves in so doing.
The eve was over far too soon for my liking. It was with more than a little reluctance that I said my goodbyes to the pair, though not before I elicited a promise from Toddir to keep an eye on Rowan. The latter needs the levity of the former, I think, or else he runs the risk of spontaneously sprouting feathers from all the brooding!
Despite my best efforts to make a quiet and unremarkable departure, as is usually my way, Toddir stopped me shortly after I made it clear of the stables! We spoke at length on Rowan, my reasons for leaving and he even told me of the new womanly interest in his life. Aggy Harlow is not a name I am familiar with, but he spoke with such joy and fondness that I find myself hoping to meet her one day. It is good to know that my oldest and truest friend has found a reason to think of the future!
That he has come to understand the truth behind my departure is a blessing. Perhaps he might be able to convince Rowan of the necessity of what it is I now do, although goodness knows why his support in this endevour should mean anything. 'Tis not for him that I do it!
And so, after an interminable wait, I am once again upon the road! My past lies before me, looming in the distance like an angry giant upon the dark horizon but before I face it, I have a detour to make...
