It was already dark outside and if not for the light of the moon reflecting off the snow, he would have no vision within the small cavern he had found. There was no dry wood to be had and he couldn't risk the smoke that would form if he tried to light any wood he found outside now. Not only would it make it hard to breathe but enemies might catch sight of it, their vision was far better in the night than day.
Frost crystals had formed between the hair of his beard, his teeth chattered, his body shivered violently and he could barely keep his eyes open but he stubbornly kept himself from sleeping knowing that else he might not wake up again. His fingers and toes felt numb and it did not matter how he curled up, how tightly the cloak was wrapped around him or how low his hood was pulled, the heat would not build or keep.
"I don't know if I find it amusing or annoying that you continue to be so stubborn to cling to this worthless life you live. How your thoughts still go to them and that faint spark of hope to apologize. What do you need to apologize for? They did not even notice that your actions were not your own. Neither of them. Think she'll be any different? No, she will be as the two you shunned away. Her love, like theirs, is selfish. They think about nothing but what is best for them and they do not care who you are or what your wishes are. They proved that time and a time again, didn't they? Their words, their actions. You saw it yourself. No matter your kindness, no matter how you tried to spare them. It was not enough. She continued to come back and the other spat at your generosity and ran out into the cold. Even after your mind was sacrificed for her sake, it did not matter. You did not do as she requested and as she wanted. Neither did the other. No matter how you asked that she left you be, no matter how you tried to spare her your broken mind, she would not leave it be. Piling on, pretending and spilling the lies she has convinced herself of. They did not see your call for help or more likely, they ignored it. She pretended to hear it but the offer was not for you but for her own good. Me, me, me, me, me. It's all they said, wasn't it? No matter what you told them of your ailments they made it about themselves. You told them of your curse, they made it about themselves. Interesting, isn't it?"
He glared towards the mouth of the cavern trying to silence the voice within his head, diverting his thoughts elsewhere but his mind was his no more.
"I guess I should be thankful to them. After all if not for their selfish needs and nature I would not have you like this. It is a pity I could never make friends with them. I think we three would have done well together, we all have such ways to manipulate emotions and bend. Try and pull our target to follow our bidding, but you are stubborn. Perhaps the only thing they ever got right about you, isn't that so?" The voice murmured and he could see something moving against the walls. "You have asked, they have answered and it was when you realized they know nothing and just fill in the blanks. Perhaps why you did never tell them too much. After all, you told the pregnant woman more than you have those two, correct? But what happened then? They created you as they wanted you to be and then claimed to love you. Then what did they do when you did not return their feelings? When you kindly tried to divert them from it? They clung to it like leeches. They used it against you and no matter how you tried to ease your mind by asking them to be safe and take care, they did not listen." The voice within his mind paused for a moment but then continued.
"Why would they? They want you to think of them, they want you to worry, they do not care how much it pains you. So you saw when you spoke to them last, didn't you? You told them how much it pains you and yet they did not listen, they did not care. Maybe their revenge for you refusing to lay with them? Would not be that surprising, now would it? They are both rather free with their men, aren't they? One takes to a bed with a man in exchange for a home and any man before that and the other casts aside her so-called love to bed another and then claim to love him. The one the other called her Silmaril." A melodic laughter echoed in his head. "The very same man that they claimed to both love but then you came around and he was slowly forgotten. That great love of theirs. It means nothing. Their love for you is just as shallow and hollow as they have proven time and a time again through their actions and words. She will be no different. She is just as selfish and whatever she offers it will be for herself, not you. You are but a simple pawn they want to bind into their lives because it is their desire, you are nothing but a trophy to them."
"Be quiet, damn you." He hissed with a shuddered breath, his eyes opening up again. He tried to remember when the voice had become so clear and able to speak to him for so long but he couldn't. It was no longer simple snippets, it was there the entire day and the entire night.
"Why? Is it so hard to hear the truth? Trust me, I did you a favor, as I said before. They know you so little they could not even tell when you acted out of your element. I thought I had gone too far and had exposed myself there and then but it was not so, was it? It was very amusing and has paid off well."
"I told you to be quiet, fiend. I know well what happened I do not need you to remind me. Have you not plagued me enough? Allow me one night in peace."
What followed was a surprisingly long silence but the peace and relief of the silence did not last as the voice spoke up again, softly.
"You are right. I had almost forgotten what night it is. Of course, I will leave you alone this night, I am not so cruel that I would pester you on the evening many celebrate." The shadow on the wall shifted and melted in with the darkness around him.
He sighed and for another brief moment he felt at peace, there was silence and his mind was clear until memories long buried began to surface.
"Then again it would be cruel to have you completely alone. I dug up some lost memories here. Just for you, Rhaug. Enjoy."
His blood turned cold as the vivid images flooded forth. He recalled all the winter celebrations with his family and friends in the past; the warmth of the flames, the laughter, the feasts, the gifts and the songs.
"Stop it... Stop this right now!" He snapped out and his eyes widened as he saw Rîlhel approach him with arms outstretched to offer the gift she had made for him. His chest twisted painfully and the dread clawed in further as he saw the stain of blood on her clothing, the stain growing slowly against her abdomen.
His face turned sickly pale and paranoid eyes shot up to look at his surroundings. His mother, Glîrel, and Calaer, they all bled as well, their wounds open, but they still smiled, they spoke and enjoyed the winter celebration. His fondest memories turned nightmarish, the images so vivid and so real.
Catching movement again he looked to where Rîlhel stood and saw as her small hand extended towards him but he pulled away, so violently his head knocked against the hard cavern wall behind him. The knock on his head was quickly forgotten however as he felt his heart thump painfully fast within his chest, his body flushed hot, his brow began to sweat and he couldn't breathe. He gasped but he couldn't catch the breath he needed.
It didn't matter how much he tried to get up. His legs refused to move and he could barely feel them, he couldn't escape.
Suddenly all fell still and his body dropped back against the cavern wall, staring ahead he had no choice but to as watch each celebration he had long pushed aside was dug up and displayed before him, the memory twisted into a nightmarish sight.
Tears fell from his eyes and chilled his cheek, freezing against the skin. He was trapped in an endless circle, an endless nightmare. He had allowed his defenses to be broken, he had entered Fornost. He had given himself to the fiend on a silver platter and this was his payment, this was his reward.
He would find no rest that night, the fiend had kept her promise. She did not speak again until the first light of the morning, but the memories kept flooding into his mind. Still the enchanting song the fiend had brought with her lingered in the deep regions of his mind.
