Found:
I hate myself. I must do, right? Somewhere deep down I must absolutely detest every fire of my own being or else why, in the name of all that is cute and fluffy, would I have subjected myself to a hangover this bad?!
Whisky, it seems, is not my friend!
I deserve it. I must! I broke the oath I made to myself to cease my wanton ways and wait for "the right one" before I next took a ride on a saddle horn. Alright, so it wasn't an oath per se, it was more of promise. Less a promise and more a guideline? Fine, fine, it wasn't even a bloody guideline! It was just a passing idea that I managed to stick to for over a year!
At least... I think that's what I did. It's all so hazy now.
I remember going to the Wolf. I remember drinking far more than I can handle. I remember... someone? Did he have a face? A name? Ugh, who cares? I'm never going to bother with the man again. I'm pretty sure my underwear ended up in a nearby tree and I seem to have some splinters in my arse cheeks, so I have to assume it was a fun night!
I woke up alone, my legs up on the bed and yet face-down on the floor, feeling like trolls were dancing inside my skull and a pit of snakes had suddenly manifested within my stomach. Food and water helped, but... not enough! I've spent the day hiding within the silent and cold confines of the house. Outside seemed like a bad idea. Working seemed like a bad idea. Anything that didn't involve staying very still and very quiet seemed like a terrible idea!
I don't regret it, though. Not really. I won't regret it when I'm feeling better, at least.
I needed it. I needed that release, that distraction, that brief moment in time when nothing else can haunt me. I needed to feel nothing. I needed to push everything else aside and just forget.
Seems I did a damn good job since I can barely remember a bloody thing from last night!
I guess even now, even after trying so hard to be someone new, someone better, someone honest.... I guess even now I just don't handle emotional things all that well.
Or whiskey. I don't handle that well either.
