Another overcast day. Grey clouds, pale and lofty.
My heart is an odd mixture of things today. Sorrowful as ever, yet...slivers of...happiness, too? I'm not quite sure what to call it. But there is something else within my chest besides the grief. Something nice, and bright, and...it feels so foreign.
I realized when I woke up this morning that I was no longer a walking corpse. I got up and set about getting my breakfast, and my thoughts had places to go and things to do that were not about ensuring I had an extra handkerchief for my tears or reminding myself to eat even though my belly felt like a hollow chasm that didn't want any food. Grey skies and all, I didn't feel like I was a shadow drifting through a graveyard, lost and aimless and unable to rest.
Firithain. Sareva. Leoffrith. Cesistya. Aeroden. Ashwyneth. Eldryssa. Aeruthuil. Inayat. There are others beyond these, even. People that care for me. People that I care for in return. Friends who don't wish to see me suffering. Friends who offer smiles and hugs and encouragements. Each one, a reason to keep going. To live.
Every day, I wake up thinking "I don't know how I'm going to get through this day." But somehow, I do. And I will survive today as well. I have things to do. I am promised to show Aeroden the Hookworth Historical House library. I have to visit the stable. I need to find Sareva for a very overdue chat, just the two of us.
It's time to stop being the chess piece, moved about by unseen forces. By grief, by sorrow, by loss and longing. It's time to move with the world again.
