So, a journal. Ash bought me one. I don’t know why. It’s not as though my thoughts should ever be seen by any. And if they are, I can only hope they read it all, so that they understand.
I am Carria of Rohan. I am a thief and a murderer. I have tortured people, I have mutilated, and I have burned people alive. But I try to tell myself I have done so for the right reasons.
I have many secrets, far more than I do friends. They bear down on me, bogging me down as much as my mail hauberk does when I haven’t eaten or slept for days. Hopefully by denoting them here…. Maybe I can bear the weight a bit better.
So, I’ll start with two days ago. I spent the past four days running around Chetwood, looking for some sign of the bandits who had Briony. They’re led by a little shite called Wulfthrud. I first saw him when he started following Briony down a dark alley. I’d just met the lass, but I found myself sympathetic to her plight. I ended up having to confront the guy, to allow Briony time to slip away. Ash keeps beating herself up for apologizing to him. Feels like she owes me and Briony for that mistake. I try to tell her, it’s a mistake anyone could have made, if they weren’t aware of being followed.
So, as I was saying. I finally found them, and followed them, waiting for an opportunity which came when another young woman stumbled across them. Naturally they decided to all gather around and harass her. It allowed me easy access to their leader. I pulled his legs out from under him, using his own weight to knock him out as he faceplanted a rock. I dragged him into some bushes.
Random side note. I find it hilarious that the bandits call themselves Wolves. Really. I mean, Wulf, Wolves…Seriously. They’re a bunch of damned pups.
Anyway. So, this redhead noticed me taking him out. Hardly surprising, as it allowed me to come up behind the search party and take them out too…. A blade in the back of the neck of each. Easily done, and I whirled around to throw my dagger at the third, only to find that the woman and the one closest to her had run off. The leader began to stir, so I interrogated him to no avail. After he bled out, I chased down the last man.
If anyone reads this, I hope they won’t think less of me. I did what I needed to do. Everything I’ve done the past few days has been for Briony, because I care about her. Her sisters are under guard at Ash’s house. Last night was the first I’d slept in a week. And things like this don’t make it easier.
The man told me Briony was in the main camp, but balked at telling me where, said he’d take me. I thought it was a trap, so I told him to show me where on a map. He said he couldn’t, and then decided to go back on his offer to take me. He tried to run away, falling on his face because I’d already stabbed him in the leg… So, I stabbed him in his groin. The man’s scream was so anguished, so terrible… that I still hear it. But there was no more time, there were no more chances, and I needed to know. And finally, he told me.
The scream echoed in my mind well into the evening, when Ash found me by the fireplace soaked in tears. She told me I did what I needed to do. And is that not enough? If it isn’t, why am I still plagued with the memory of his pain? I only want it to go away, so that I can think clearly. I need to think clearly, or all my plans will be undone.
I spent all of yesterday scouting the place. It’s a fairly large camp. Afternoon was coming on, and I had enough information on everything except for Briony’s location…when suddenly Wulf and his pups showed up, toting Rahvic with them on the back of a horse. They took him to the center of camp and pulled the hood off of his head. There was some exchange, and then Briony rushed out of her tent. I could tell from her that she had not been treated well, the beautiful blue dress she was wearing was stained with blood, and there were bruises on her face. Typical Wulf, idolize and mistreat her like the obsessed little creep filth you are. I must have gasped in surprise, though, because the patrols finally noticed me. I dropped a couple bags of an ingenious gaseous hallucinogenic compound that Ash and I came up with, managing to escape. Hopefully they’ll wake up thinking they were seeing shite.
By the time I was clear, Rahvic and Briony were out of sight. I assumed they were inside a tent, and I waited for a time for them to come out.
Eventually Rahvic was carried out, unconscious. I followed the pups to the point where they dumped him in the woods, waiting until they had gone before revealing myself, splashing some water onto his face to wake him up. He sputtered, telling me he needed to get to Bree to talk to someone. I told him no. I don’t trust the man. He also claims to be in love with Briony, but Briony tells me he was in love with Owena a few months ago. I’ve spent this entire week trying to find Briony and rescue her, and I’ve done my best to allow Rahvic to be a part of this team. I’ve told him secrets to try and build trust with him, and he’s done nothing but turn a cold shoulder and treat me like dirt. It’s not like he was making any plans to rescue her before I told him I was! So, I figured I’d give this one last try. I took him back to the house, figured Ash could heal him when she got home. I knew she’d be doing house calls in an attempt to get everything out of the way for tomorrow. I let him sleep in my bed. I washed his clothes after he fell asleep. And when I woke up in the morning, he was gone.
The bastard has been nothing but competitive. I even told him I knew he had better chances. But in his mind, Briony is nothing but a prize to be won. I wish only to cherish her, and to help her live the life she deserves, free of squalor and struggle. I want to love her.
But I swear before Béma, if he gets in my way tonight, I will kill him without another thought. I’ve done more than I should have to try to stay friends with him, just in case he gets this prize he wants so badly. I washed his fucking laundry! But no more. No more bridges, and no more offers of peace. He won’t jeopardize this.
Saving Briony is all that matters.
