The Reluctant Captain's Diary - Part 4

***The notes below are written in a consistent and neat handwriting but are evidently done by a person not used to recording a diary***

I received a message from Aariond which, much to my surprise, have left Bree and is apparently travelling south to find Llundein, the previous leader of the Crimson Brotherhood. This to me, means two things, I am unable to confront Aariond about his leadership, which leaves a number of matters unresolved for me. Secondly, he mentioned he will be looking for Llundein in Minas Tirith. Minas Tirith is a great city and I find it unlikely that he shall learn anything about my past, why should my name come up in conversation? However, I must consider the eventualities of either him or Llundein finding out the true nature of my disasters in the past and I must prepare to defend myself or to leave the Crimson Brotherhood altogether.

On account of the first, I guess there is little I can do. If Aariond is away, this means the Black Guard will have more freedom over our own group and as such can move in a direction of our own choice. Perhaps I shall leave the matter of Aariond’s leadership. At least for now. I cannot keep focus on the Black Guard if I am to worry about these politics within the Crimson Brotherhood. I shall attempt to free myself of it and focus on how we make the best out of the Black Guard.

On account of the second, I am torn. I travelled to the other end of the world to escape my reputation, yet here I am faced at every corner with people from my home country. It would perhaps be best if I left now, before I cause further upset to myself and, especially, to my comrades. I have grown fond of the Black Guard and the work we have done, but more so of the people around me. They have become, I guess, friends. I am haunted of the thoughts of the faith they put in me and on many occasions, I have considered whether I should leave. Recently though, I started to think differently about it. After learning that our elf has visions of sorts, I have been pressing Aerchanar to learn what he sees. Naturally, I disguise my interest to be about other matters, but in truth I selfishly want to learn if he has seen anything about me. During a discussion about the future of the Black Guard he revealed that he has seen me as a part of the Black Guard, and now I am in two minds. If those are his visions, perhaps I should not leave the Black Guard? 

Could it be that the Black Guard is in fact my chance to make up for past mistakes? To do better, to lead differently, to care for the people around me more than for the victories? To prove that I have learnt from my mistakes? I would not wish to turn down a chance like that. However, it could just be that once the battle-rage takes me I am doomed to repeat the same stupid mistakes. I do not think so. The Black Guard is different. We’re a small group, not a large company of warriors. Everything we do is different from how I used to fight, wasting me as if they were not a resource. Here, every person counts.

I have thought about this for a few nights now. I feel I need to at least give it a try, to see if I can turn things around for myself. I want to be part of the Black Guard and I want us to succeed and become stronger and capable. I met Captain Higgins in Bree, he has offered to let us train with his company to improve our skills and our ability to work together. This shall increase our chances of survival, I believe.

Speaking of our ability to work together, Aerchanar approached me and asked for a chat in private. He revealed to me something about himself that shook me at first. I lean on Aerchanar perhaps more than I lean on anybody else in the Black Guard. He is, after all, an elf. A very wise elf with a keen mind and an eye for details. However, it seems that he has kept something from us, the fact that he is… young. Now, I have limited knowledge of the elves, so whilst he is young, he is still older than me yet younger then our new ward, young Teigon. This is a complex matter, but I guess in elf years he is young. Very young. It concerns me gravely, yet I did not tell Aerchanar that. I take comfort from his assurance that he has the lady Galadriel’s blessing to be part of the Black Guard and nor would I trust his knowledge or visions any less due to his age. However, I fear that these dark times might impact his young mind and that the fighting he has to take part in with the Black Guard might scar him more than we know. I should perhaps fear the same for young Teigon, but Teigon is… less delicate…than Aerchanar. It is hard to explain why I think like this. Perhaps my inexperience with elves leaves me more concerned. 

I shall have to hide these concerns from Aerchanar as I know it took great courage for him to share this information and I will continue to rely heavily on his counsel. Yet I am determined to keep an eye on him to ensure he does not break under the pressure of the fighting we do. I know Cherdoc will keep an eye on him as well, Cherdoc is the best friend an elf like Aerchanar could wish for.