I am once again faced with cultural embarassment. This is nothing new to me, although it is more than a little vexing. Having grown up in these lands, I really should know the customs and meanings of things but alas my upbringing ensured that I did not. Bedamnable hateful woman! I imagine that she never thought I would live this long - or else hoped that I would not. All the same, I am where I am now, and where that is happens to be a place of confusion and misconceptions.
I asked both Davick and Flannery what the flower meant. Both gave very similar answers - it is a gesture of affection meant to inform the recipient of such a feeling and to engender a sense of happiness for both the one giving and the one recieving. That seems like a lot of emphasis to put on a dying plant but as nonsensical as the notion may be, I did my best to understand. In an effort to adhere to this strange tradition, I asked Flannery if I should offer the same in return to which she replied that I should but only if I had some affection for the I intended to give the gift to.
To that end, I visited the Old Forest in search of the perfect plant. It took a while, but eventually I found that which I sought: honeysuckle. It is pretty and has a nice fragrance - which Flannery mentioned as important when choosing a flower. More than that, though, it is also has medicinal qualities making it a useful and practical choice. That, to me, seems the most appropriate, for why give someone something that cannot be put to use?
I did, indeed, give him the flower upon my return to Bree. At first he seemed a little confused by it - as well as by my reaction the previous evening - but after an explanation or two he seemed surprisingly pleased with the gift and forgiving of my reaction to his.
Unfortunately, a subsequent conversation with Donhelm and Matheric called the whole matter into question once more and highlighted yet again my lack of understanding in such matters. How was I to know that the giving of flowers is an exclusively female gift and that by giving one to Haldrid, I had inadvertantly implied that he too was a woman? Had I known beforehand, I would not have done it for I had no desire to cause offence and such an insinuation was most certainly not my intent! I feel really rather foolish now and fear that I owe Haldrid an apology.
If that were not bad enough, Matheric then informed me that the colour of flowers also carries a meaning. White, he said, was to signify an intent to wed. I will admit that I like Haldrid. He is an attractive man and his company is most enjoyable, but marriage? I barely know him!
I can only hope that, like me, he is unaware of all these little nuances and simply picked the flower to match the colour of my over-dress. There is just too much, too many things, ascribed to something as simple as a flower! How is anyone supposed to recognise all of these details, especially when they make so little sense? I shall simply have to speak with Haldrid about this and smooth out any misunderstandings that may have been caused.
At least some other misconceptions have been put to rest, though. Wolf has returned to me, much the same as he used to be. We have spoken and apparantly I was wrong in my belief that he had abandoned me. He claims that he has continued to watch over me all along, albeit from afar, just to see how I would do without him. Whether or not there is truth to his words, it would seem that he has a wish to once again take up the role of my guardian and protector and although I am of the opinion that I am now safe - if such a state of being truly exists - I am still glad to have him back.
That aside, I spoke further with Donhelm. I finally believe that the man can be trusted and that he has no untoward intentions regarding me. Indeed, he stated outright that I am too young for him, although he then made a wistful comment about being twenty years younger. Much to my amusement, he blushed then. A man commonly referred to as a "whoremaster" blushed! Such a novel concept! I was not aware that such men were capable of embarrassment.
I think he trusts me a little more now also. I know that my tendancy to ellude personal questions has bothered him and there is still so much that I have not said and have no intention of speaking to him about. Nevertheless, I have admitted my origins and home to him. He was shocked at first, but the knowledge also seemed to please him in a way - as if his suspicions or insights as to my nature had somehow been explained in full.
My thoughts drift back to the giver of gifts and the awkwardness that surrounds the next conversation I will have with him. The return of my guardian will most certainly make things more complicated, but if I am lucky then I can keep Davick guessing as to the idenity of Haldrid for a time to come and hopefuly have more time in which to develop this friendship before he seeks to destroy it.
