Such a tumultuous time! Why can things not be clear and easy? Why must they be so confusing?
It had all been going so well. I had spoken to Haldrid and we had cleared up any misunderstandings that there may have been. He had not taken my gesture as an insult and, much to my relief, knew no more of the significance of colours than I had. His gift, then, had not been an unintelligable symbol or an unspoken promise of intent as I had been led to fear, but instead was just a flower; an innocent gesture of affection and no more. Everything was as it should be; pleasant and peaceful.
But then Donhelm came. It is unfair of me to blame any of what came later on him. He is not the cause of anything but concern and that is less his doing than my own. He told me that he is leaving these lands shortly, that he is returning to the southlands and to his home. That he may be called upon to fight worries me deeply for I have come to care for the bluntly spoken southerner in my own fashion and the possibility of his demise weighs heavily upon my heart.
I did to him as I have done to so few others. I bid him farewell and placed a kiss upon his brow in the vain hope that such a small thing may grant him some luck in the time ahead. Afterwards, I went to my old spot on the Scholars Stair to sit and consider matters.
Matheric found me there. Donhelm had left a letter for him stating that he should seek me for answers, which I duly gave. Then Davick came. I tried to hide my sadness from him behind a smile, but he knows me far too well and demanded to be told the reasons for my cheerless mood. What could I do but tell him - this man I trust so well?
He led me from my seat to a tree on the other side of Bree and I watched as he dug up a small box from between its roots. He took from it a necklace. It is consists of a thin thread and a small carved pendant of a hound, the darkened to match the coat of Arugru. As he pressed it into my hand, he wrapped his arm about my waist and pulled me closer. We stood that way for.. I know not how long. It is Wolf - my Wolf - and I trust him above all others. Although I knew not what was to happen nor even why he held me so, I did not doubt that he had no intention of hurting me.
When he kissed me I knew not what to do. I was shocked, rooted to the spot like some manner of ancient tree. I had longed for such since that day in Far Chetwood. I had wished for this so many times! I had thought that I had put those thoughts behind me, I had thought that those feelings I had for him were gone - consigned to a past best forgotten. How wrong I was for with naught but the tender touch of his lips against mine, those feelings rushed back once more, proving to be as strong as ever.
For a moment, a breif wonderful moment, I gave into them and returned his kiss. It was in so doing that I realised what was happening and when I pushed at him, he let me go. I felt anger then. How could he do this to me? After so long, after all we have been through, how could he be so cruel?
I demanded answers, but none were given. He spoke of a tale about a boy and a wolf, and then he was gone. What is he up to? What game is this? A game it must be for that is his way, but why? To what end?
I sit here now, the trinket still in my palm. I can still feel the warmth of him, the sense of belonging and safety he engenders in me. I can still feel his lips against my own, so gentle as if he feared I would shatter before him. I sit here with this necklace - proof that it was not a dream - and I know not whether to laugh or cry. So much has changed in but a day and I remain uncertain as to why, or whether it is for good or ill.
