Is it better that I have not seen familiar faces these past few days? No trace of Aeruthuil for weeks now. I suppose he wandered on, for his own reasons, though it left me with a wound after the time we spent together. Gamferth must be occupied with helping his sweet mother look after their farm, especially with summer coming along. And I have not seen Saexwyrd since "that day". Perhaps he avoids me because of the peculiar nature of our interactions. It is difficult to know how to view someone who has shown such rage and yet such...yearning?
The solitude, however, has made it easier to cement the thoughts in my mind. The fewer ties that seek to tether me to this city, the better.
Every morn now, when I awake to the pale light at the window, with the sun not yet over the eastern hills, my heart feels a peculiar restlessness. I find myself looking out the south-gate while walking near the stables, and longing to saddle Jack and take to the sunlit plains without looking back.
But where would I go?
I have no home but this one. And it is hardly a home. A rented cottage. It is not mine. I have no family here. But is there any other place where I would be more at home than this? I ponder this question and I have no answer.
All my life, I have worked for the sake of others. I helped my father when I was growing up. And when he and my mother sent me north for a sack of coin, I went for their sake, to uphold the family honor. All of my time in the north, I gave my heart and soul and blood for my friends and the people I loved. When I came home to the Mark, I stopped here and stayed here to be near Gamferth, to keep him company while he settled back in his home city. But I think it's safe to say he is very much settled and happy now, and has no need of me beyond being his friend.
Perhaps it is time for Brynleigh to live for her own sake.
