Found:
I visited the man in Bree. It helped a little, as it always does. I hurt less by the time he was done with me, but my leg is still weak and painful. I hate that. I hate not being able to walk without a stick, not being able to run, to climb, to ride without aching! Hopefully, when the weather turns warm again, I will have a few months' respite. Hopefully, this year was not the last that I could be without my cane.
I was relaxing, trying to rest it, when a knock came at my door. I had expected a delivery and, in a way, it was one. Rowan with a sack. He had decided to cook me that duck dinner instead of buying it. A lovely gesture and one which I appreciate, even if it did go forgotten and burn as we discussed matters more pressing than dinner.
He found his tracker, Woad. All went well between them, as I knew it would. She knows of me, of my history with him, of his feelings for me and now she wishes to meet me. I don't know what to make of it. I don't... I can't... Will this make things easier? Or much more difficult? The whole idea makes me uneasy. But, I suppose, it will be for the best. If I am to lose him to her, I might as well get used to smiling about it now.
All I know is that this can't go on. Even if she is of a similar philosophy to my own, the fact remains that one of us, or all of us, will end up hurt. I'd rather take that blow now than later. Limit the damage to the others.
I've been here before, haven't I?
I know how this story ends. Affairs of a triangular nature never end well. They are games for children, and one would have to be blind, deaf, dumb and with the relative intelligence of grated carrot not to see that this game is rigged. He tells me that I know one possible ending, that it could still change. But... can it? Will it? He is not a man to take risks and, out of the two of us, she is the much safer bet.
Still, if one good thing has come out of this mess, it is that I know the rest now. He told me everything. He did not expect my response which, given all that he knows of my life, is really quite silly. I am not one to take blame for things outside of my control. Nor am I one to assign blame for things outside of the control of others. I have never been sheltered and the nature of my work ensured that I would have some knowledge - even if not personal - of what he faced.
He sleeps in the spare room now as I sit here and muse on the futility of it all.
