Found:
It's been two very exhausting days, but I've naught to complain about! Every energetic moment has been full of glee and wrapped in a warmth and tenderness that I had never expected to know. Certainly not from him! It's wonderful and terrifying, but I would have it no other way!
He worries, though. He always worries. Even now, caught up in this whirlwind of passions that were denied by us both for so long, still he fears. I don't blame him for it. I understand exactly why he does and I hope that, in time, they will fade and be forgotten. I hope that this future we see will be realised, that he will finally be at peace with himself and with us.
He's not here right now. The house seems so empty without him, which is strange considering he's only been here for such a short time! Stranger still considering he's only been gone for the afternoon. Is this what it is to miss someone?
I was thankfully distracted from this oddity by the arrival of Woad. She brought with her a most thoughtful gift; a woad plant coated in silver. It is to serve as a reminder, she said, of what has happened, and as a hope for what will be. Bittersweet, perhaps, but considering what she has done for both he and I, I cannot help but be happy for it. It really is a beautiful piece. I must find somewhere safe to display it.
I'm glad that she felt comfortable enough to come here, even knowing what she might find. I'm glad that she felt comfortable enough to speak to me on certain delicate topics. I'm honoured that she chose to tell me her name.
Alas, I kept mine to myself for the time being. It is a difficult thing to explain, I think. I am, as I have been for many a year, Silver to the world. But I am Rajana to Rowan and my childhood would yet have me be Sairona. Three names, three people, now as one but... which one? And will it stay one? The fractures have not quite healed...
When I've worked that out, then I'll tell her.
Fuck! I still have to tell him about it all, as well. Don't I? He deserves to know what he's getting himself into, doesn't he? But if it's all over now, if it's not going to happen again, then why risk chasing him away with this?
Because he trusted me with his truths. He has long since earned my trust in him.
Soon.
And after that, assuming he doesn't run for the hills, we can begin a new chapter in our lives. Something better and brighter than the respective horrors of our pasts.
