Found:
I awoke alone again. I was not best pleased about this state of affairs. It was cold, it was lonely and, despite my wish to be anything but, I began to grow concerned.
I don't like being worried. It's too new. Too... uncomfortable. I either have to make sure it doesn't happen again or learn how to turn this feeling off. Does it come with a way to do that? Some kind of emotional candle snuffer? I must find out!
Rather than sit around staring at the walls, I headed back out to Bree just as soon as they started to close in on me. It was a long walk, but better than doing nothing.
I ran into the girl again, the one from last night. Tamisra, she calls herself. I find her company quite delightful, though she asks far too many questions. It comes as no surprise to me that she's a hired thief. She has the attitude of one, if not the look. We amused ourselves for a time speaking of our mutual dislike of Rangers, just as one was standing nearby.
Returning to the house was... less pleasant than it should have been. I ache, yes, so that certainly dampens my mood. But what made it plummet was Rowan.
He claims to have only been away for one night, but I distinctly remember it as two.
Either he has lost an entire day and night, which does not bode well for his mind, and brings with it a new set of concerns. Or, I have added a day somehow.
I know how that's possible, but I just don't want to consider that option. I don't want it to be true. But what if it is? What if the fractures are more than that? What if one of the others has become separated again? What if what I saw and thought and felt wasn't really true? What if...
Well, what if? Would it be so bad?
Yes! Yes, it bloody well would! I've just put this life together. I've just begun building an actual, honest future with someone I can see myself staying with. I've just begun laying the foundation for a home, a family, a...
I will not let you take it from me!
He says it's best not to think on it, and maybe he's right. But what else is there to think on right now? The way he went to the horse farm to pick his horse with a huntress instead of the woman who has not only spent her entire life around the beasts but is also paying for the steed? How about the way he suggested I go there myself to buy it instead of him coming with me to point out his own choice of mount? Or what about the small matter of our journey to Erebor now having another participant?
I shouldn't be upset about that, I know. I like Woad. I enjoy her company. And it's not as if we'd planned to be alone - we are escorting a dwarf there, for goodness sake!
But I am. I can't not be.
We are escorting a dwarf there, not back. The return journey should have been for us. One last hurrah for me. One last chance to do something I love so much alongside the man who matches that same description before the inevitable occurs and I am unable to travel anymore.
It doesn't help that he pointed out that having another set of eyes and arms around will help. Useful ones, he means, though doesn't say. Because what use is a crippled bloody treasure hunter?
What can I do?
Nothing but grin and bear it. Pretend that I'm fine. Pretend that none of it scares me.
Pretend I'm not hurt.
