Troubled by blood

It has been too long since I have put thought into words on parchment but as I have found in times of distress.. Talking about it is sometimes not enough. Definetly this time, heavens forbid even dearest sister might find out.

Yes, a wedding, a woman known to me for quite the while. I did not know what to think as I saw her and this man.. I have of no clue who he is but a glance into his eyes made me realize he is of good heart. I should not linger upon this, my mind set towards pointing out things I have been doing, that I am doing and will be doing. For I fear of how long I can do it. 

It reminds me, I still have a gift for her, something she will appreciate for sure and bring back treasured memories.

Ivy, a woman who was forced into exile from her home found her way to Bree-Town, ofcourse I am the one that she turned to, of all folk and made the mistake to mess with the wrong man.. She stole my key to the Inn I own with Vanden and found her way there to find riches that will have her continue flight towards further lands. We caught her but she attempts sway with tears yet I found some truth in her words, the truth of fear, of being hunted. I know what this is.. I was foolish to then take her prisoner and get involved into something more.. I can not do this to myself any longer, I require peace.

I severed our ties and in desperate need the woman tried to take over my heart with honeyed words, yet her words only found her out of the door to find her own path. Vanden will not be pleased.. Even further so, Ida might even see my head chopped of for what I am to do next, to cut my connection with a plan that has been stirring, not one that likes basking in the light of legalities.

Silver will kill me.. If whatever is happening will not do it first. I have been feeling weak, fainted the moment I arrived home from the wedding only to find myself in the dark of night. I can sense her concern on me.. I do not want her to concern over me, she is already going through as much one can bear, with bold words to assure me that she is stronger than she looks. True, she raises a wall of confidence that she is more than one would think of her in strength.. I know you better and I know the pain that resides. She needs this man, a man that has come and gone at times she needs him most. If only I could posess his mind with some spell, return him to her and see her smile more and laugh, it is what keeps me awake at night.. Is this normal? To as in my position, feel such jealousy towards the man?

No, I will never trouble her with this, she does not have to know, even if I have to take it to the grave.

I coughed, during the wedding, many a times, before I fainted. I saw blood as crimson as my robe, I thought my eyes deceived me.. What is happening? It has been happening for two days now, as if the very air I breathe is poison, my body aches, yet it has always ached in a way, that is of small concern, but the blood.. I should ask Derny, but no, she is married, I should have her focus on current happiness with her new husband.. She has helped me in the past, but I am afraid of the news she might bring.. I will try to evade her concerning gaze for now aswell, even though I am to go visit as promised..

Heavens watch over me, Sun give me the strength through your warmth, Moon guide me in the dark nights to come. Stars be as friends that surround me so that I will never feel alone.