Addie restlessly tapped a finger on the bench as she looked around the Scholar’s Enclave; she wanted to touch the intricately carved reliefs on the walls, take the lids off of the large floor vases and look inside, peruse through the many books on the shelves and on the desks, and she even wanted to run her fingers over the strings on the swan shaped harp to see what it sounded like, but she had been given specific instructions not to touch anything.
It had been several hours now since she was led into this room and told that Lady Galiruin would be here soon to meet her; and Addie was beginning to doubt if she would even show. She wondered if she should come back another time when Masin was no longer ill; after all, he was supposed to be here as well, but had fallen prey to a questionable smelling cabbage stew and was recovering at Lady Ahmo’s residence. Addie shook her head, she had been told that this information was important and that it should be delivered as soon as possible in order to stop Ray from acquiring a powerful artifact; therefore, even though she was losing patience, she would wait.
Addie let out a long exasperated sigh. She had been left alone with her thoughts and in moments like these, her mind began to do what it does best- question so many things:
“How much time is considered ‘soon’ to an elf? What if Lady Galiruin doesn’t show for days, weeks or even months? Do I even have enough rations for that? Should I go back outside and inquire on her arrival? What if they've locked me in here and forgotten about me?”
Addie looked to the door after that last thought and for a moment considered getting up to check; but after reasoning with herself, she decided that was a silly notion. She then continued to look around the room and wondered what kind of knowledge was kept in the many scrolls and books here. It was though they were calling to her, begging for her to come and read them. An impish smile crept into the corners of her lips as her thoughts turned to more mischevious things:
“They only instructed me not to ‘touch’ things. Surely they would not mind if I walked around and just 'looked' at things. Would they even notice if one of these books were missing?”
As tempting as it was for her to give into these thoughts, she knew how it would appear if someone were to walk in and she was no longer on the bench. With an even heavier sigh now, she turned her body to lie down and directed her gaze up toward the ceiling. For a little while, Addie had occupied herself with counting the tiles, but the minutes continued to pass by and she was getting closer to walking out. As long as she had something to occupy her mind, she did not mind the silence or solitude, but this, this was torture.
“Focus on the emptiness, embrace it.”
Miss Anna's words surfaced in Addie's mind as though she had freshly spoken them, a welcomed thought, but bittersweet at the same time. Addie remembered the meditation exercises that Miss Anna had been teaching her and urging her to practice; however, she had yet to be successful in her previous attempts because she could not clear her mind of the many worries and questions that constantly plagued her. Addie’s mind was far from empty and that was why she constantly needed distractions. Even so, she was willing to give it another shot to help pass the time.
The scene was almost always the same when she closed her eyes and she dreaded it- she could see herself being tossed in a turbulent sea of swirling darkness, the winds loudly echoing her thoughts as the images that accompanied them flashed around her light lightning. Even so, she was determined to one day be successful in conquering her thoughts. She took in a deep breath and then closed her eyes, trying her best to focus on her breathing just as Miss Anna had taught her. Maybe it was due to her determination or the fact that she was on elven lands, or maybe it was simply because her mind had been dulled due to boredom, but something was different this time; there was a small flickering flame in the heart of the violent storm. Addie could feel herself being drawn toward the flame, it had a familiar aura that reminded her of Lasair. As she moved closer to it, the swirling sea began to calm until the only thing that was left was the flame surrounded by a still darkness.
For a brief moment, a few questions flashed through Addie’s mind. “Is this the emptiness that Miss Anna had described? Or am I somehow just now experiencing the same memory loss Ahmo and Xanderian faced after the battle? Or am I dead?” Instead of being frightened by those last thoughts, a soft smile began to form on Addie’s lips; there was a strange comfort in this flame and darkness and even if it had erased her memories or even if she were dead, at least it was calm. Her body was now completely relaxed as she surrendered her mind fully and allowed it to drift in this darkness or, as Miss Anna had called it, emptiness. There was silence… there was stillness… there was peace... and Addie was now asleep.
