I returned to Lindon with many of my fellow soldiers after it was over. I had lost yet another king and leader. Many had died. Yet, we achieved what we had ventured to those black lands to do. The Enemy was defeated.
Many of those I could call friends had decided to sail at long last. Even I considered it for a few years. It was something that seemed like the right thing to do, though there were still those who were choosing to stay, either out of stubbornness or true love for these lands. I thought often of my mother and surviving brother, waiting across the Sea; if they were still waiting for me at all.
How can I show my face to them after all this time? That is something I wrestled with silently. Sailing would have been the logical and right thing to do. The way was no longer barred for us and the past atrocities of my kin had been pardoned. By all rights, perhaps I should have taken to the ships.
One of my comrades on the battlefield, a Sindar serving Lord Cirdan found me walking the beaches at Harlond and joined in step beside me. I remember our conversation clearly, though many years have passed since we have spoken. I wonder if he is still on this side of the Sea.
"For a gódhel, you seem to prefer beaches over your towering cities these days."
He always spoke so frankly and his humor always had a bit of a biting edge to it. Still, he and I preserved each others' lives on the battlefield more than twice each and had found a strange sort of friendship and good will towards each other.
"I have no liege lord and nothing to sink my blade into at present. Beaches are a prime place for thinking. Especially when my thoughts turn towards the Sea."
"Well, are you going then?"
"... I don't know."
He scoffed at me then and shook his head, probably thinking that us 'gódhel' always made everything more complicated than it needed to be.
"You don't know? It's not so hard to answer. Either you do or you don't only to find that one day you will. Only you can decide when to depart. What is your rush? What is your hurry?"
I remember how the waves crashed against rock and sand that day, like a song that both beckoned towards me and pushed me away.
"Well, it would be the right thing to do, would it not? There are those I have kept waiting for so long... But, I still feel as if there is more I should do here, liege lord or no. The roads are still perilous while we hunt down the remnants of the Shadow."
He scoffed again and rolled his eyes at me. "Well then, the answer is so simple! You will stay."
I glanced at him in bemusement and shook my own head at him. "It is not that simple, friend."
"Oh, yes it is! Honestly..." He pinched the bridge of his nose and I had to keep from laughing for fear that I would exasperate him entirely. "From the day we met, you have always spoken of duty, fealty, and service as if you worship such things. Even when talking of things of the past, it is always 'my brother' this and 'my father' or 'my king' that. Have you never thought about your own desires and wishes for a single day in your life?"
Leave it to him to render me so utterly speechless. And, I wager, he probably took some pride in that! But after all this time, I think he spoke words that I desperately needed to hear. I knew in my heart that he was right. He, of course, knew he was right as well.
And so, for the first time in a very long time, I decided to do what I wished to. I left Lindon and began to safeguard the roads and eventually began to lead others from Imladris, the Greenwood - for the very few who began to feel the Sea longing - and even Lothlórien when the Lady finally granted me hard-won passage for the sake of those who needed protection on the way to Mithlond.
I remember when I announced my intentions to my friend and he sent me a very detailed letter, outlining how utterly insufferable it was to him that even adhering to my own wishes still resulted in me serving others while fondly wishing me well, since he did note that I looked happier.
So, here I stay and choose to continue on until my own wishes change or until there is almost none left who wish to pass into the West.
