I would say that the trip to Ost Gruth did my mind well, it helped clear a few thoughts that were bouncing around. The caravan was spotted by a few wolves, but ultimately we made it to Ost Guruth in one piece, and in the morning I started on my way back home, coming to the Pony before I had even gone home to drop my pack off at my house. I ran into Fenley and Arthur first and that woman I met a while ago, named Maedryn. She did not stay long, but I chatted with my boys for a bit, who I have become so very fond of, even stuffy Arthur with his funny hats.
We sat at a table with our drinks, and I do have to make the confession that my brandy intake over the past week has been a little reckless. After the death of someone so close to me, I fell into the bottle and haven't made my way out of it yet, and with Caein's fondness for it as well, I haven't had the desire to break off. I hardly used to drink so much of it, and here I've gone through two bottles in one day. I shouldn't even begin to think about how many coins I've wasted!
After Caein left in the morning, I made my way out of the neighborhood and I headed off in the direction of Bree, though my feet ended up taking me to Chetwood instead. And then before I knew it, I found myself in Far Chetwood, where I spent some time down by that big lake on the cliff that overlooks Archet. It's one of my favorite places and sometimes I forget how much it would do my mind well if I went out there more. No one knows it's my favorite place and thus no one can find me out there.
And I've been thinking a lot, about things I wish to change and things that I'm unhappy with, things that unsettle me. I have to get myself out of the bottle before I fall into it completely, and I think there are other things that are proving... not so good for me, either. Though I know that you cannot force people to like you, or care about you at all, I haven't been acting with that in mind. I have been too careless, I think, and it has unsettled me now that I have come to realize it. I think what unsettles me more than that is realizing that while there are people I would put my life at risk for, they would not do the same for me.
In the end, I struggle with wondering if I am simply too much, and whether or not those around me would wish that my personality wasn't so... loud.
