Found:
I had to get out of there, to bathe and eat and get some proper sleep. I've no idea what day it is, but I suspect the couple of naps I'd taken along the way were not really enough. I was too exhausted to dream though, so that was nice.
In my search for a camp site, I came across Ry. We spoke. Explanations offered, apologies given, job done. It was... different, however. More distant, more cold. It's to be expected, of course, but still it leaves me... uncomfortable.
I don't know how to fix this. I don't even know if I should.
He knows too much. He sees too much. That alone is enough to make him troublesome. But he pushed then. Now he withdraws. Imminent betrayal? Just because he hasn't used this information against me yet doesn't mean that he won't.
I should have known better. I should know better. Don't confide in people, no matter how easy they are to talk to. They're the ones you need to be most careful of.
Trust is a luxury I can ill-afford, especially with autumn on its way. The cold renders me far too vulnerable.
Perhaps I'm just being paranoid. I've learned, haven't I, that not everyone is that way inclined. It could be that he's not. It could be that it is the way he claims it is. It could be as it appears. It could also be that this is simply a reaction to his hurt feelings, that he builds walls now for his own protection. It's understandable, isn't it? Wouldn't I do the same?
Maybe it is time to move on. Just get my kukri back from him and leave for... where would I go? The leads I have are sketchy at best. I don't want to go back to Evendim so soon, and the North Downs....
I should go there. I should face that. Too soon, maybe?
Probably.
No. It needs to be done.
Recent events prove that I'm holding on too tightly to what was. I need to let it all go. I need fresh eyes and a clear mind.
The nightmares returned, of course. They never really left. That may complicate matters a little. I can't confront them in the same manner I did before, but I can't rely on anyone to help me either. I am, as I have always been, on my own in this.
Thus far, my interest in the water spirit has been academical but now... I still don't know if I buy it. I still don't know if it would work even were this tale to be true, but I'm willing to risk the inevitable just for the chance to be whole again.
First my kukri, then the road.
But agreements were made. Lessons, cat herding, travel. I hate the notion of going back on my word... but I didn't really give it, did I? I made no promises. I said I'd go with them, yes, but I spoke no oaths.
That's just splitting hairs, really, isn't it?
