It's come to pass that I realise I have been working on official works, but have covered nothing of my own journey thus far. None of my personal thoughts committed to paper as I wander through these lands and meet new people. This chapter of my life has been the beginnings of exploring not only the world, but my own understandings of it. The outpost so far away, I realise now how much of a secure, sheltered zone it was from social society and the intricacies of life, even if it was on the edge of the conflicts of our Riders.
There is so much I don't understand, or comprehend, in the more delicate areas of dealing with relationships. For the first time I am surrounded by female friends. Men look at me as more than someone to change a dressing, or the awkward girl they watched growing up. These changes however, bring in complications I am unused to, leaving me often confused by various statements or interactions. It seems I am far too use to the blunt coarseness of soldiers and outpost inhabitants who don't use a flurry of words to make a statement. If not for the training in having to conceal things from patients for their own sake, and to bury my own feelings to handle the traumas of those in my care, I think I would have fumbled far more often than I have already since coming here.
This chapter of my life has some very interesting characters. People I have come to know a little, others more so. We have traveled together at least once, and some have become good friends, others I am still getting to know.
Ryheric - Blade for hire gone Leader - A strong soul who had a difficult life. A professed loner when I first met him. He has great leadership qualities and inspires loyalty. Creative musician, and someone whom I have come to admire greatly for who he is. He talks straight with me eventually, I don't always understand him when he tries to be more subtle and compassionate, a flaw on my part I think not his. He always considers what others need, seldom seeming to reach for anything for himself. He is keenly aware of others.
Lavendara - Stablehand gone Mistress of the Air - One of the most generous hearts I have seen. She is always looking for the best in everyone, always such a bright and compassionate person. She struggles to overcome the impressions she has, and those she thinks others might have of her yet has no reason for concern. Anyone knowing her can only think well of her.
Cwenawynn - Farmer gone Swift Arrow - Reserved till you get a quiet moment, then the humor is clear. There is a lightness in her that comes from somewhere deep. She holds a deep longing in her heart, and I know like me she misses home. There is still much to learn about her yet.
Clothillde - Thief gone Skirmishers Foe - I don't in anyway write this in a disparaging tone, but the best description I have for her is a stray wild kitten. She is independent, but seeks the warmth of others, but wont let people close as she has clearly been mistreated. She has this beautiful spirit, wild and longing to be accepted, its hard to trust for her I think, and that is understandable.
Silver - The Veteran - A tortured soul who sways her hips and lets words drip from her lips like honey, or curdle like a soldiers dark dreams, or even poison I would imagine should she have the bend to it. All this to keep others guessing and mask herself in silken veils and hide from everyone. There is so much pain and inability to open up, distrust in being close to others out of fear of loosing them. She has lived hard, hiding in a tough shell, yet there is someone deep inside who is so delicately beautiful and gentle.
Scanie - The Wild Child - I know little of her yet other than she has the spirit of a wild cat, the awareness of danger similar that might be given to a curious badger. I very much doubt there isn't anything she wouldn't be willing to take on, she has such a flame inside her. Her impulsive nature is catching, excitable, there is an energy about her that is enjoyable to be around, even if it does get her into trouble. I look forward to understanding more.
Tervorn - Caravan Guard gone Swashbuckler - When I first met him he seemed a reserved sort on the caravan. Now he spends a great deal of time drinking and finding women around him in the inns, or so its said. He has a rakish sort of charm, but is easily lead and bullied when hungover, though I think he lets me do this on purpose just to be done with me speaking. I've yet to really talk with him much, though have tried several times now to find a way he keeps evading me.
Tarsorel - Soldier gone Protector - First time I saw him I could see the ache and pain in those bloodshot eyes. He reminded me of father yet he didn't. That haunted look is all too familiar, and yet when he spoke to Ry, he lifted something in him, as well as himself, and I saw a glimmer. Since I have come to see a man who is waking from a sleeping death, coming to life again with purpose. An honorable man, feeling his way around once more toward something he can believe in again.
Tatton - The Fop - I have little to say about this boy yet. He seems well meaning, and determined to make something of himself. Initially I had thought he preferred the company of men till I noted his more intent focus and dedication once watched by maidens in his sword play. Very well groomed and presentable. I have yet to talk to him much, I am sure he is deeper than he portrays himself. Most people are. I hope.
Atharann - The Stalker - A ranger capable of a great deal of hunting techniques I am sure. I have heard many mythic things about rangers since being in Bree, and by all accounts he would fit the image of one without having revealed it. They are said to be able to stalk their prey almost anywhere, no one can truly hide from them. In social situations however, its quite the opposite. He seems awkward, unable to read a room, or work out what is likely to be appropriate or not. He constantly uses his long life as an excuse to not form long meaningful bonds instead preferring at this point simple bed warming and sharing intimate moments for a night or two. He has so much more in him to offer, but he shields it, something holds him back, and I don't believe its just that he will loose them due to his long life. He is a flirt, a tease, has a want to be a guide and protector, but at times seems lost. There is something sweet there under it all.
Gregwuld - The Preserver - I know little of this man so far, but one thing I do know is that he likes to preserve the identity of space and place, of people and who they are or aren't, and spends as much time watching and working it out as he does talking. He is a flirt, and far from shy in pointing out just what he would like to see. I find even though this might be inappropriate at least its honest, not laced up in false modesty. I look forward to getting to know him more.
I suppose this is as good a start as any to my personal journals. We will see how long I keep this up before I find myself too busy to do more than write a note once in a rare while.
