Thus far, journaling for my personal accounts has not gone to plan. It has been something I have not kept up to any serious degree. I find now though I am drawn to write as my mind fights over a thought that hounds me and I am driven to try to reason with myself. At what point is it acceptable to confront a person over feeling the indignation of feeling violated. I found myself in a situation where had I spoken out I would have drawn more attention to the situation only causing myself more embarrassment and humiliation than would be deemed needed. It was already a delicate matter that left me feeling vulnerable and violated. I had reasoned at the time of the event that I had been imagining things due to the increased numbers of people in the area for our protection. Only to now find that there was actually reason for concern.
Just because the person is the same gender does not make it right, their lusts are the same as a man and as such I see it no different than if a man had done this to me. The indignation and feelings of violation are no different that if it had been one of the men folk spying on me. The feelings of trust broken no different. The sense of feeling my skin crawl, and my self worth lowered, no different. I can see this no different, and treat it no differently. I can make no allowances in my mind just because they are female and so am I. The breech of trust is still the same, is it not, I believe so. If a person seeks equality in their identity, then they must expect the same treatment when the violate trust in such matters.
It pains me. I have not riled to the matter before them. It was said outside an inn, before a man. Had I responded out loud and with hostility it would have drawn attention. However, had we been alone I am not sure I would have responded much differently, I was too set back by this. I had at least been partially clothed for this violation, enough that nothing could be seen of worth than the scars on my arms and lower legs. Still however, that is personal, private. I was not harmed. I can let this go, only my pride was injured at this point and there is nothing I could do about this by getting up in arms and making a scene. It was done and there was nothing to say other than to reassure that things will improve in other areas since they apologized.
That I must always remember. They are sorry at least. I can hope they wont do this again, but I cant trust them any more to control themselves. At least not for now. This saddens me more than I had realised. It hurts me very deeply. More that I must now decide what to do.
