She looked down on the road that lead to the valley. She had said it, the words so cruelly had come from her mouth, "the only thorn in my side of late is you". The guilt hit her hard, but the more time moved on the more nothing had changed. He had broken her trust, shattered her self image, and left her feeling as though she was less of a person by taking more than just a kiss from her. She had drawn a line, told him exactly what she had wanted and needed, and he had told her no, that he would not respect that and then kissed her. Taught her that the only way she would ever be able to gain what she wanted and needed from any man for herself in boundaries was to defend them with violence, the way she had with her brother. They dont listen.
Ry had talked with her after and calmed her, told her he would talk to Tarsorel about it. That he had done wrong by her. Tarsorel was clearly upset after, and feeling bad. He realised he had upset her. It had taken weeks though for him to say sorry for stealing her first kiss, weeks. Yet it only took him a week after the incident to go back to treating her no differently than he always had. As though nothing had happened. Seeking her company, to talk, to try put things behind them. Never to really talk of what happened. She had grown more and more uneasy. He had done this before.
She had asked for space, and he had said he would give it to her, then within a short space of time crept back in to acting as he had. No space, began wooing her. Then bit by bit had gotten closer and closer till that kiss. She could see it occuring slowly once more. On the banks of the river she tries to talk to him, tried to tell him she was uncomfortable around him, that she could see that he was acting as though nothing had happened. That he had done this before and it was making her uneasy. His solution, he would leave. A foolish solution, she felt sickened, angry, it was a way to throw more guilt, a way to run away. She told him no, if he actually means to fix things he would stay. Still there were no signs of actually trying to give space, but saying he understood she needed it, but no actions.
The trolls attacked and off to Rivendell. There as they finally met after his head was healed she filled him in on what the meeting entailed he insisted he go with her to protect her while she takes the shards just outside the valley to wait for the others. She told him no. Again he insists he wants to make sure she is safe. He cant see that of all people, he isn't the one to do it, that it has only been days since she has told him she needs space from him, and he is pushing. It tumbles out of her mouth. They are all supposed to be finding emotional strength at this moment and she knows he will crumble hers in the waiting time, he hasn't made any attempt to give her the space she has asked for. The amends she needs from him, the consideration for the pain he has caused. Her heart breaks again, she failed to keep herself strong and lashed out at him and now she sits with her back to the stone. The peace of the forest seeming to call to her for a moment. She closes her eyes, till she hears a horse coming on the road.
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She sat there looking down at the road. She had hidden the shards where she had told Ryheric she would hide them. She now sat where she had told Cwenawynn she would be. A stillness deep inside her, something cold and empty. She hated it when it came usually, but tonight she welcomed the detached feeling, wanted it more than anything else. There was so much inside of her, so many feelings that sort to overwhelm her and oblivion was welcomed in. She had not wanted to lash out at Tars, but she had. Nothing had changed. He still couldn't listen to her need, no amends at all had been shown. Now she sat here still, and she had watched Ry ride off knowing exactly what he would do.
Numbness finally sunk in and she looked to where the horse had disappeared. She knew she should seek to head back into the valley. Staying out here was pointless, perhaps she could take a moments reprieve and head in and find her Elven friend, a short walk around his valley. A stupid thought. An escape for a moment. She would give them a day, maybe two, then she would have to push them if Aerluinil didn't first. They had little to no time left. It had to be done. They needed a location. In the morning she would return to the valley and would try to find out about a location that would be strong for them. That was the next task. They had all come so far. Each one of them. Slowly the feelings crept back in. Each one of them came to her mind. Their uniqueness, their qualities. The parts of their natures that she would guard, seek to shield and care for. The small tendencies in each she noticed. She bound each of them, interwoven into herself, binding it tighter to her. They made her normal, accepted her differences, made it alright. There was strength in that somehow.
