((neatly penned in Lumi-kieli))
When I do not know what to do, sometimes I try to imagine what my mother would say, what my father would say, and what my brother would say, and choose something that is not any of those, but in the middle of them. I am wondering what to do about this necklace that Mister Godwin gave me. He told me that a merchant in a place called Buck-land told him it came from Forochel. I did not have the heart to tell him otherwise. I hope he did not pay a lot of pennies for it. It looks like a few smooth river stones strung through a bit of cord. It is nothing like the carved bone artistry, or the fine bead-work, or even the berry-dyed cords, that the etelä-vieras come to Pynti-peldot to trade for. But it was very sweet of him to buy me a gift that he thought would be a memory of home. I do not want to wear it and tell people the lie that this is the craft of the Lumi-väki, and have them think we have no skill for art or craft; but I do not want to have to tell him he was taken advantage of.
It does make me feel better though, when I think of how I was, too, with that wine that was not truly Dalish red. Even the Bree-väki can be fooled!
Mother would tell me to just tell him and be done with it, I think. "There will be no way not to. You either tell him or you do not, and you cannot not," she might say, with that look down her nose at me. She is shorter than most of the Sûri-kylä-väki, but makes so much of that I am even shorter.
Juvven would of course laugh at me, but would probably tell me to just hide the necklace, or throw it away, then claim it was broken, or stolen, or lost. He is always comfortable with using lies. Sometimes lies have their purpose but I do not think a lie is good for this situation.
But I cannot think of what Father would say. I only know it would be clever, and perhaps beautiful, something involving a story of such cunning and power that it would somehow smooth over the entire matter. And because I cannot think of what his answer would be, I cannot think what is in the middle of these three answers, and I am left directionless.
It is good that Mister Godwin is feeling better after his injury, though, and that soon he will arrange for me to give the gold penny to people who can use it to help those in need. I hope that he is not tricking me, and that this gift will truly be to do good. If I am tricked, and it is not, will the wind-spirits still punish me? If my intention is pure? Perhaps they will, for being a fool to be tricked again into trusting someone. It is clear I cannot tell good people from bad. I did not even realize at first that the woman who called me fish-eater was bad, not until I noticed the chain.
Reminders:
I need only three more silver pennies to buy Miss Arrygg's harp. But tips have been very light this week, and not a single one of the mutton chops were bought tonight. I must work harder at selling these suppers. The harp's voice was so beautiful and sad and full of longing and the want to touch and be touched. It fit me body and voice as if we had already been together for a lifetime, but its story is so sad. I do not know if it is my weird to bring joy back to its voice, or if it is its weird to bring its sadness to mine, but either way, it is fated. But not soon. If things go as they have been, it will take me a fortnight more, perhaps more if I waste more pennies on mutton that no one buys. But it could also be one night of good tips and selling more suppers.
I promised to take Miss Tacita to see Bree's library today, so this morning I made sure I knew where it was, but I did not see her tonight at the inn. I must ask Mister Butterbur if she has left her room and the inn. The poor woman is troubled by some cold behind her eyes, or some wind-spirit that tears at her; and I lack the wisdom to help her, or even understand the amnesia she tried to explain to me. But at least if she longs for books, perhaps they will help. Maybe I can introduce her to Miss Cesistya. I wonder why that man called Finisin wanted to also hear of Lumi-mâ; does he have something to do with her troubles? But if Miss Tacita has left, then I can only be sad that I was not able to help her. She called me her friend, though I have only known her two days. But that is no proof that she will not leave without a word. Many others who called me friend have done so.
When Miss Aileas comes with tea and spices to trade for ale, I must learn of all these teas so I can recommend them to people. She also spoke of this flower called lavender which she thought would go well in soap. One day when I have enough pennies for the harp, and the dog brush Misters Egfor and Dem say Suojelija will need, and a new diary (this one will be full soon!) I will try to buy things for making soap.
Think more about how to tell Mister Godwin about the necklace. I think I have to tell him. I hope it will not hurt him. Maybe he will be happy that I think it was very kind and sweet of him to bring it to me anyway. It is just like my question of intention if I give the gold penny away and am tricked. Does not his intent mean more than whether the merchant happened to lie to him?
Show Mister Nathan which doors upstairs are needing to be set straight so they will close properly, and which shelves need repair. I hope he is able to build, or get someone else to build, the keg moving rack I designed and drew for him. Not only will it be good for me and for Mister Butterbur, I think it will make Mister Butterbur think better of me for being a good worker, to have thought of it. He sent Nathan to me; he must be glad of me taking on more responsibility. I also hope Nathan and Miss Syllea hold onto this fragile peace they have. If it can be called that. At least they can sit at the same table now.
