((sloppily penned in Lumi-kieli))
This is probably the last entry to be put into this diary because I am almost out of pages, but I have a new one, with a bright red cover. I wish it were not the last pages, since this is not a happy thing to be writing about and it seems a bad portent to end the diary with a thing like this. Especially since today marks exactly two moons since I came to Bree. Miss Ellie asked if I would be celebrating. Instead I am sitting in the kitchen writing and trying not to cry.
I am in trouble with Mister Butterbur again, and Suojelija is banished from the inn again, and I do not know if I can keep working here with her not allowed in. Miss Ruevir complained that she was dirty and had fleas, neither of which is true, but Mister Butterbur had already warned me that I could allow her in only if patrons did not mind. So even with her collar, and even with the Watch giving me permission, now I cannot come in with her, and she does not understand this and will keep trying to get in, and how can I keep her out? And she has been with me for a year now, since the day I nearly died in a tumble and she saved me. How can I be without her? But I cannot stop working here. I would have no way to pay my rent and would not see any of the people I have met.
Yesterday I felt like everything was turning to the good. I had enough to buy the new diary and also the drill for making beads, and was thinking about how I could now start saving to make soaps and candles. The flowers are blooming in my courtyard. My foot is all healed, and I was able to help Miss Beri with a hurt she had too, with the leftover of the tincture Miss Linglorel gave me. And I feel like I know this harp's strings now.
And the fact that there are now three people who would like to be wooing me, which is embarrassing! Mister Godwin has been nice to me, though I have not seen him that much. I keep talking to him about thinking about things that would help us know if we are a good fit. Trying to imagine us together two years from now and ask myself, does it make sense? Do I have to imagine him being different for it to work? Things like that. Miss Beri is also very nice to me, and after whatever strange confusion we had that first night, I am pretty sure she wishes she had not left and had taken me on that walk. And sometimes I dream of what it might be like if she had. And yesternight Miss Ellie said that she, too, might have wanted to woo me if I was not already wooing. And she is very funny and fun -- she is my co-queen of Risland! It is funny because in Lumi-mâ, it would have been possible to woo them all, rare, but possible; but there, no one ever wanted to woo me. Now I have three. Four if you count Mister Baraque, though I do not know if he still would even if he could.
Maybe it is the gold penny? Mister Godwin said he was going to arrange something for that, but now a whole moon has passed and still it has not happened. Maybe the wind-spirits are doubting whether I really am going to give it away and they are coming back to gnawing at me. Or maybe I am making too much of this one thing with Rue, but it is really a very bad thing. Maybe Mister Butterbur is having second thoughts about me again. Though probably not. He was so happy with other things I have been doing. I just do not know. It is stupid to be thinking or writing about it right now while I am trying not to cry. Feeling this way makes me stupid.
Reminders:
ask Lyca or others in the Watch about if they found the wine-seller thief
figure out, if I can keep this job, if I will be able to afford to join the craft guild and use the crafting hall for making soap and candles
keep brushing Suojelija every other day, now that Beri convinced her to let me
ask Godwin about the gold penny again
find a time to take Beri for a walk up the hillside to show her the place I drew it from
remind Godwin to save me some horns or bone or antlers for making beads
maybe teach Ellie some of the tricks Inurawen taught me (no not those tricks)
Maybe the first page of the new diary will be a good thing and it will be a good portent.
