((neatly penned in Lumi-kieli))
It feels so unfair that I am told not to 'stick my nose' in other people's business that is not my own, particularly while there seems to be so much going on, of so much danger, danger which even now Nalleni faces in peril, only to have this peril find me in the pub of the Pony. It has been two hours and the cider I drank swiftly went to my head, so I have waited until my thoughts are clear enough to write, but not so long I might forget. I want to be able to remember everything if I need to talk to the Watch.
I do not know what has been occurring with the people of Millshaw. I am told I do not need to know, it is none of my business, and this is probably true. Except for the part where Beri has gone there to try to help and I have not seen her since. She made such portentous promises as if she were marching off to war, as if promising me she would return was more about promising herself, or begging the spirits. When she did not return, even though I am sure she is only still helping, or doing whatever business she tends to when I do not see her, the way she left made the absence that much more frightening. Or maybe it is because of all the other signs of danger. Mister Egfor was injured. Perhaps Mister Nim too. I have not seen Eira, though I did get a letter from her promising me she was well. I try not to worry, but it is so hard to keep to my own business and not fret.
And then what happens but a grim, dark man whose visage smells of the bitterest winds comes to the inn minutes after Syllea's departure and starts asking questions about her. He paid me two silver pennies for the information even though I gave him none. At one point he made a very feeble attempt to suggest she was dear to him, as if I might reveal something thinking him a family friend, but it was clumsy and he did not stand by it. Most of the time he made no pretense, and in fact, he made some very clear threats against me and my loved ones. It was hard to answer him deceptively without lying. I told him I did not know where she went; I did not, though I have a guess she went home, but I do not know, do I? He asked where her parents were and I told him that they had died; after all, that is true, even if I know he meant Misters Dem and Egfor, her spirit-parents, not her blood-parents. He asked if I had any loved ones and I said, not here, which is true: Miss Beri is away, my family is far, even Eira is not in Bree and I do not know the way to where any of them are. I told no lies, but I also gave him no truths and revealed nothing. Finally he told me to tell her she cannot hide long. There is no doubt he means harm to her, to me, and to anyone else who comes between him and his prey.
The conversation gave me plenty of time to study his features and memorize them so I could describe him to others, like the Watch. Unfortunately I did not see Miss Tessa to make a report. She has been around the last few nights, and just last night made a long apology to me for snapping at me -- and I thought she was about to arrest me for poisoning the Chief Constable, since I was the one who brought him the poisoned coffee, I still have no idea how it was poisoned in my hands. I suppose the fact that I saved him afterwards by having him eat a bit of my nasty lye soap until he brought up most of the poison must have helped convince them I am no poisoner. I do not even know where one would get poison! Anyway, she was around every night except this one, or so it seemed when I made the frightening walk home, Suojelija almost whining from how attentive she was.
I must set the Watch to pursuing him. In the past I have had little confidence in the Watch, and of course if he discovers that they are after him, he will no doubt suspect me of having reported him, so if they cannot find him, he might come for me. Tomorrow I will go to the barracks off the market and find someone to practice the immobilizing techniques and knifeplay Inurawen taught me; it has been too many weeks since I practiced. But I hope the Watch will be able to deal with this man. I sent a letter back to Eira with her raven, warning them of this man's inquiries, with a quick sketch of him. (I drew it right in front of him, pretending I was working on Butterbur's ledger. So I had to write it in a cipher, so no one could tell what it said, even if he looked at it. I hope the Millshaw people can figure out the cipher. Do the etelä-väki know of such things?) Between them being alert and warned, and the Watch looking for this man, hopefully he will be in jail soon, or worse (or perhaps I should say better). That is what I want, anyway.
Most of all I do not want to be involved, and threatened. I am not the rabbit people may think I am, but I am no soldier either. I threatened Nim that if he hurts Eira in his wooing, I will slit his throat, and I do not know if I would, but I certainly do not want to have to draw my hidden knives in my own defense in the kitchen! I just want to serve drinks and learn to cook and sell my bracelets and beadwork and soaps and candles. I have my first few tallow candles for selling (I have not been able to figure out the beeswax Nalleni gave me yet, I need to ask her about it so I do not ruin it), and soap made with meadowbloom and pine (Mister Egfor has been much too busy to bring me the lavender and rose I bought from him, but I have been able to gather some of my own scent addings).
And to work on the harp strap that will be my memory-craft for the people dear to me. I have made the berry for Beri, the spear for my brother, and most of the bead-work, and I have Mister Godwin's family ring, and a bit of Eira's scarf to make into a flower. I only need to finish the kelkka for my mother, and the purple bead pattern for my father, and assemble it; perhaps in another two weeks it will be done. Just in time for the full moon of summer (I need more feathers, Beri said she would get some, and Miss Narys, but I need another place for a fish -- Eira promised one, but I do not think she will be free to get me one on that day). Syllea is celebrating her birthing-day today with family. I will have to celebrate my twenty-first summer-day alone, since these rituals are not for sivullinen, and that will be lonely; but the spirits will have their offerings, and the moon will be thanked, and my twenty-first year will start with hope, even if not with joy and family and friends.
