((neatly penned in Lumi-kieli))
People are very worried and anxious, and sometimes I feel bad that I am happy and cheerful most of the time lately, when everyone else is so troubled. It is not that the heat does not bother me; probably it is more hot to me than to anyone else in Bree, but I suppose I expected it to be even worse than it is, and it is a relief it is only this. The lack of rain is worrying too, of course. It is very surprising to me how quickly things have happened. It is only just coming to a moon since the last rains. There is enough grain in the silos of the farms in Bree to feed the whole town for the whole summer even if not a single drop of rain fell for another moon. But the people of Bree are not used to being hungry, and they do not share like they would if they were a tribe, and some of them are quick to use this to make a profit even if it hurts their neighbors. The panic causes more problems than the drought itself, I think. Even the people who are working themselves to exhaustion trying to help those in need are sometimes short of temper and patience. I have had to take to being more quiet than usual just because my cheer is grating to them. I do not want another time like the winter festival.
One of the things that most makes me cheerful is that Nalleni is now working at a farm in town, just down the hill from the Pony, and I bring her a nuncheon in the early afternoon and a supper just before my working every day, which means I get to see her every day! even if only for a few minutes, because I do not want to distract her from her working. She takes care of the livestock on the farm. Not only does this mean I see her more, it also means I have less reason to worry if she is safe, especially now while there are fires in the fields. And the bear culling. I am guessing that some Bree-väki who are not wood-crafty and do not know how to avoid bears have been forced to go farther into the woods than usual for foraging, and that is why some man and a bear ran into one another and the man was hurt. And the Bree-väki blame it on the bears! And now are sending men with spears and bows to try to kill as many as they can. This troubles Beri (it troubles me too, but of course it troubles her much more), and she said she was going to try to make peace between men and bears before more blood is spilled on either side. I wish I could help, but I cannot speak convincingly to bears (or even men). I wish I knew a spirit-talker who could call the spirits and beg for rain. I wonder if I should try another offering anyway?
Beri and I have not had a lot of time for talking or spending time together in private, but I feel like we are getting closer anyway. With Mister Baraque, and Mister Godwin, I always felt like I was just trying things out. I liked being around them, and how they felt about me, but it never made me feel giddy. But when Beri calls me 'honey' or holds my hand I feel something totally different, moving all through me. I kept calling her 'rakas' and thinking I shouldn't be saying something like that so soon. We are supposed to talk about that, about whether it is too soon. And when I wished Nim and Eira many fat babies (when I thought they were already married) Beri was very enthusiastic about the same wish, and let slip that she also wants babies, and we need to talk about that too. Seeing her so happy about the idea of babies made me feel sunny inside. It was hard to be calm and try to talk reassuringly instead of just babbling and trying to kiss her. Egfor made me and her stuffed bear toys looking like us, and she and I traded ours, so she always has a Ris-nalle and I always have a Beri-nalle to keep us company, and I think I am making a fool of myself cuddling a toy but it makes me feel so good. (How funny that of all the things I could have it would be an actual nalle.)
I feel like I should be writing something for or about her, but when I try to write about being in love, I cannot make words dance like that, especially in the etelä-kieli. Every time I try the words just refuse to mean even a tiny fraction of what they should. But I can write about other things, sometimes. At Mister Haleron's prompting I have been trying to write songs, but they kept coming out much too short. Funny the first one was about a thunderstorm, which turns out to have been the last rain we've had (and even that barely made anything wet, it passed so quickly). Then I tried to write one about a winter storm and I did not try to make it about the one that nearly killed me, and led to my leaving Lumi-mâ, but it came out that way anyway, and it is so bleak! So I set out to write a cheerful winter song, and it is almost done, and long enough to be a song, too. I just want to see what Mister Haleron thinks before I write it neatly in a final form in the yellow-covered small journal I got for poetry and songs.
Reminders:
• check with Mister Butterbur how he feels Coalburn is doing as the cook, and how I am doing at learning about tending the inn rooms
• talk to Mister Butterbur about when we will raise prices for suppers; if people buy less suppers at the pub, I hope he will not hold that against Coalburn!
• try to find a farmer who keeps sheep and can sell me lanolin so I can make lotions
• when I get the payment for the orphanage soap (should be today or soon) I had been going to buy some paints to try doing some painting, but maybe I should save the pennies now
• keep watching for sources for honey and beeswax; how much will the drought affect hives?
• Rue says she asked Mister Dimheim about if there is anything to help me get over how pahoinvointi I get when I see wounds and sicknesses and healing and he did not know but is looking into it. I never see him in the inn anymore to ask him myself. I need to keep looking for solutions. Also, does he need soap yet?
