"You deserve someone better."
The words of that flirtatious woman in the Pony haunted her. Eira shuddered, shaking in her dream and extending her scarred, bloated hand to the man she had given her heart too.
"Please," She begged, facing the hurt and angry Angmarim before her, "Don't go..."
Nimraph scoffed, hurt and bitter, "How could you yell at me like that? You know it hurts! And lash out at the boys too! My sons mean more to me than anything and you hurt them too!"
He took a step back. Eira gasped, reaching out, "Nimraph! Please!"
"Leave me alone! You're a worse person than I ever was!" He turned and stalked away. Leaving her by herself...
***
Eira gasped, awakening from the nightmare. Sweat coated her frame, and tears slipped down her cheeks. She hastily turned, as fast as her pregnant body allowed, and was relieved to see Nimraph sleeping soundly on his side of the bed. The library quarters were cold, why was she sweating? Was it because this place scared her, even when the night made it too hard see? The dark walls of the room closed in on her as she hugged him tightly, her anchor to sanity after making mistake after mistake and wanting to hide herself away.
Who deserved the better one? Her or him?
She kept making mistakes, over and over again. She kept letting her anger get the best of her, or learning the hard way what was acceptable or unacceptable. She hugged Nimraph tightly in her sleep. He kept assuring her that the process was slow, but it was too slow. She kept messing things up, at the expenses of her loved ones. She felt like a disease, rotting everyone around her as her darkness spread.
Meanwhile, Nimraph had lived the same lifestyle as her for another whole decade, yet was one of the calmest and self controlled people she knew. Stable, reliable, and kind. He had earned his right to be called a noble and good man, especially to her. A loving father, a supportive husband. And Eira was so unstable. Eira was a disaster. Eira was an infection. How did he put up with her sometimes?
Eira buried her head in his chest. Egfor and Demlemoth kept assuring her that she was okay, she was learning from her mistakes. Making more than one mistake and falling hard for it, however, she was both terrified of their scorn and feeling that she had earned it. It was Nimraph who jumped in and saved her, grounded her when her thoughts flooded with terror.
She continued to hide in him as the night rolled on.
