((sloppily penned in Lumi-kieli))
I wanted to write in my journal yesterday but I also knew that it would not be wise because I was too tearful and hurt. If Nalleni had not been there to help me get through it, I would be a wreck still. But though she reassures me that it is not an omen and she is not going to change her feelings about me, and though I know she is very probably right, my mind simply slides from one worry to another. Will Dem and (presumably) Egfor fall into the same trap now that they volunteered to help? I could not think of what to say, especially since this came up at the same time as I was trying to convince that new Watcher not to report this to Sergeant Oakhurst, and I was overwhelmed. Mostly I just try to remind myself that the stones came to me by chance and may leave the same way, and all I will be out is one gold penny. I do wish I still had any friends to talk to about this, but other than Beri, they are all gone now, if they ever even were friends. No, that is not true, there is still Rue, though I have not seen her since it happened either.
My thoughts are like snowflakes in a blizzard, whirling and never settling down. Maybe if I try to write it clearly, it will make me think clearly.
A few moons ago an Elf who came in for one night only, I did not learn his name, who did not know what tipping was, gave me two small ice-like crystals, Elf-stones I later learned, that were fashioned in the First Age with some sort of sorcery that makes them tend to find their way back to one another. It was far more than a tip, of immeasurable value, even if they are a relatively minor type of Elf-stone. He said he gave them to me because they looked like the ice of my homeland. For a time I thought to sell one, before I learned of their property to find one another; then I considered giving one to Beri and keeping the other, thinking this might portend that we would always find one another. Then I thought I would have them made into jewelry for the same reason, with which to propose betrothal, but they are too big for rings, so I thought simple silver necklaces.
It took more than a moon to find a jeweler who was willing to work on the job; Aellwenn would not talk to me about it and I have not seen her in almost as long as I have not seen Eira, or even Haleron. But Frimsi said he knew of a jewelsmith called Thorgonsi Bronzebeard from the Blue Mountains that could do the work for two gold pennies. I paid one penny and the stones, despite some worry; this was risking a lot. Maybe I would never see any of them again. But Frimsi swore by the hammer of Mahal, which I am told is a very serious thing for a Dwarf. And he pointed out that if he did not make good on the deal, his reputation in Bree would be ruined and he would be unable to do business in, or show his face in, Bree again, which would cost him more than this deal was worth. This seemed convincing. But after he and the stones and gold were gone, many people, hearing of this, expressed doubts, and seemed sure I had made a grave mistake. This Frimsi apparently has a reputation for engaging in business that is just shy of outright theft, and it seems he might cross that line if the reward were high enough. The reputation he would lose in Bree is not of nearly as much value as he made it out to be.
Two nights ago this Thorgonsi, or someone claiming to be him anyway, arrived at the Pony with bad news. To compound the injury he did not tell me straightaway what his news was. No, he spent a long time spouting nonsense about me being Candle-Queen and pretending he was going to buy some candles that he never even looked at, let alone bought. Then he finally told me that the necklaces were done but had been stolen, conveniently, by unknown brigands on the road, I think, he did not even say where. He swears up and down that he and Frimsi will see them returned, but it all seems far too suspicious, given all the warnings. In fact, I wonder why someone would even bother to come pretending to be Thorgonsi -- or why Thorgonsi would come -- if they only mean to make off with the stones and the gold. Maybe it is some scheme to try to preserve Frimsi's access to Bree and what little of his reputation remains?
Worse yet, Dem said that he and Egfor mean to help with this recovery. If it is in fact a swindle, as it seems it almost has to be, then there are only two outcomes possible. Dem and Egfor are in on it, which seems exceedingly unlikely; or, this Thorgonsi could find no way to refuse Dem and Egfor's offer of help, so instead, once they are out on the road or in danger, he can simply arrange that they never come back to report that there was never an attempt to recover them, and he can tell any story he likes of the treachery of the bandits. I could not even find the words to say anything about this, or even fully form the idea, before Dem had left, and now maybe it is too late to warn them.
I cannot help but imagine that, just as the stones and their ability to find their way back to one another could have been an omen for Beri and I staying together, their loss is a portent that somehow we will lose one another. The necklaces as betrothal tokens already did not go as I hoped since Beri proposed to me before I could get them and use them to propose to her. Beri promises and reassures me that, necklaces or no, we will not be parted, and that helps, but I am still scared. What if I lose her? What if the spirits are angry with me? What if my whole life is askew because I am not where I belong, as my mother would say? What if I end up with the blood of Dem and Egfor on my hands if this proves to be a scheme? I know I am making too much of too little. The Bree-väki say 'easy come easy go'. Maybe in time this will all seem like a funny story we can tell to our children, not a big turning-point like in all the stories of the spirits and the sky-ribbons and the daughter of the Moon. But there is nothing at all I can do about any of it. Just sit back and watch the snow melt and see what is revealed.
