((neatly penned in Lumi-kieli))
I have to keep writing in this journal. And reading it. What if I start forgetting again? Reading this is helping me bring things back. I might need it again later.
The last few weeks, since Beri and I got the necklaces and started wearing them, I have sometimes been forgetting things I normally would not remember. The first thing was one night when I was not sure how many of the pennies in my apron were for the jar. Mister Butterbur did not believe me at first, nine moons ago when I started working here (it has been nine moons!), that I would be able to remember, but I always could. He would test me by reciting a long list of orders and I could tell him instantly how many pennies went into the jar. So every night I know how many to put there, and any that are left are tips. I do not need to write them all down or to count the tips. But one night I could not remember. I had to stop and go through every order and add it up again. I wondered why, but I did not think about it much. But sometimes I would forget names, or why I had gone into the back, or other small things. And it has gotten worse over the last week or so.
A few nights ago when Eira came in for the first time in many months, I could not remember if I knew her. She is a hard one; with her name changing (and I suspect neither is her real name) and how secretive she has always been, and then her being away so long, and having been angry with me when she left, and me thinking for many moons I would never see her again, it was hard to sort out the bits of memory I had. It was alarming, and she said I should see a healer, but the only one I could find was the one at the infirmary when I was bringing some pies that did not sell (I am not even bothering to make dishes of the day anymore since most of them go to waste, hardly anyone orders food anymore). She only said it was normal to forget things and checked that I did not have a fever or any other symptoms, but suggested I seek a better healer. I tried to talk to Rue but she was always busy and in fact almost every time I came in she was just going outside 'for some air'.
Meanwhile, Beri has been spending most of her time out in the woods. I knew that that was going to be the case when we came to be together, that I would only see her now and then; but it seemed even longer this time, or maybe that was also the feeling of not remembering things that made it seem that way. Then she came in yesternight and did not remember Eira, or even me. I think she did not even recognize Suojelija. That is what made me think this was much more urgent. Both that it was happening to both of us, and that it was affecting her a lot more than me. (I wonder why. Maybe because she does not write a journal, or because she was out on her own in the woods, or something else.) So I interrupted Rue, who happened to be inside for once, and asked her to help. She had been training in the healing arts with Doctor Dimheim and I thought if she could not help, she could at least tell me where to go.
I and Eira eventually got Beri to remember me, and Rue took us to the back room, and after some talking we came to realize it had started when we got the necklaces. The ones that Frimsi said that some rauta-väki had put a curse on when he was unable to buy the stones as previously arranged. This must be the curse. So now I have locked them both into a lock-box I borrowed from Mister Butterbur, and buried it where I did the offerings to the wind-spirits on Juhannus today. I have been remembering things more easily since removing mine, and the feeling of recovering from the curse is scary because I had not really realized how much I had lost. Reading the journal helps remind me of more, but what if there are things I never wrote down, that do not come back?
But what is most scary is: what next? Rue says we should destroy them. I do not even think we could; these are Elf-stones that have lasted since the First Age, and I know no craft that could harm them. But I do not want to destroy them even if I could. These stones were made to draw to one another, and thus, they were perfect to be a gift of betrothal. We have only worn them a few weeks and already we have to take them off. If this were in a story my father told, taking them off now would mean in the next part of the song, the promises we made to one another over them would also be broken, and their ability to come together being lost would mean we would not find one another. Maybe Beri will go into the woods and not come back. Or come back with someone else. This is just how that would be foretold in the story.
I hope we can find a way to have them cleaned of the curse so we can keep them. A curse can be done, so it must be possible for it to be undone, too. But how? By whom? Bree does not have spirit-talkers; during the drought I could find no one who could speak to whether there even were spirits here, until Beri spoke to one (I wonder if that spirit could help, if Beri could find her again?). If I see an Elf I will ask if they can help or give me some direction. I do not want to give up on these necklaces. I feel like that would be giving up on much more than just some jewelry.
Reminders:
• Tell Frimsi about the curse and ask if he knows anyone who could help (do Dwarves know about the laying and raising of curses?)
• Also point out to Frimsi that I paid him the last gold penny twice, once the penny Miss Cat gave me (I still have no idea why), and once with my own earnings (but maybe I should let him keep it, since he spent more than that to get them back after they were stolen)
• Buy a new lock-box to replace Mister Butterbur's, once I have enough pennies
• Rue says we should be wary of ravens, and anyone who keeps them or talks to them, but I am not sure if that is just because Rue is afraid of ravens herself; I remember other times she was unduly alarmed by a raven bringing me a letter (Beri says she can speak to ravens also, and I have heard of the Dwarves of the mountains far east of here who befriend ravens as well, so it cannot be only witches as Rue thinks), but I will still keep a wary eye for them until this is sorted
• Ask Beri to see if Suojelija might have any thoughts about this curse (seems unlikely but why not ask?)
• Re-read everything in the journal again trying to think of whether there might be anything it can help me remember that is not written in it
• Maybe encourage Beri to write down some of her own memories, though she is always uncomfortable with letters and writing
• I need to think of some way to be able to tell if this starts happening again; maybe I will write a letter to myself asking myself to see a healer immediately if I do not remember writing it, and then leave that where I will run into it every morning
