Tuesday, 28th, November, 3019. Dear journal, my name is Theudo Furryfoot, Esquire. I am a country gentlehobbit and the highly esteemed master of Furryfoot Hall. I hail from West Farthing of the Shire. I have received this journal as a Mathom gift from my dear friend, Ronol Burrweed a few months ago. Unfortunately the date of his birthday appears to elude my memory at the moment of writing this entry. I believe that today, being my thirty-eighth birthday, would be a grand time to begin using this journal. I suppose that I should start by going over the details of what occurred earlier on this special day.
I had awoken in my newly purchased elven-made bed shortly after six o'clock in the morning to the delightful smell of my personal cook, Bero Jollybelly's stupendous cooking. Upon leaving my bed, I had decided to wear especially fancy clothing for the day. I decided to wear my bright green jacket and matching trousers, along with my bright yellow waistcoat. After which, I carefully combed my hair and parted it in the middle and plastered it down straight on both sides, as per usual. By the time that I was finished pampering myself for this special day, it was seven o'clock. My butler, Fardinanth Fairworth III had given me a quick lecture on what was on the agenda for the day. I then went into the dining hall where my footman, Adalbert Neatfoot served me my breakfast. For breakfast, I had a hearty meal consisting of cold sliced chicken, twelve poached eggs, one wheel of cheese, ten pickles, three quiches, ten biscuits all of which were coated with marmalade jam, and one large honey nut cake. I washed my breakfast down with four cups of black coffee.
After finishing my scrumptious breakfast I then embarked on a stroll down to the post office in order to inquire if any more responses to my upcoming birthday party had been returned in to me. I had previously received responses from both my paternal aunts and uncles and my maternal aunts and uncles, along with many of my cousins, and of course a response from my best friend, Ronol. A few non-familial individuals that I had invited to my birthday party sent their responses in to me today such as the Sackvillege-Bagginses, who to be honest, I am not all that fond of. However, we do run in the same social circles so I feared that it would be rude if I did not invite them. Although, I do get the strange feeling that they may be stealing from me. I am nearly certain they took some of my lawn ornaments at my birthday party last year. Alas, I do not have enough evidence to do much more than speculate. After all, I do have very nice possessions. I'd be jealous of myself, too if I were them or anyone else for that matter.
Once I returned to my beautiful country estate from the post office it was precisely nine o'clock, the time for second breakfast. For second breakfast, I ate twenty pieces of toast with raspberry jam coated on both sides of the toast, a decent amount of pastries, however the exact number of said pastries seems to have left my memory. I believe that it was around twelve. And finally twenty pieces of extra crispy bacon. I also washed all of my second breakfast down with another four cups of black coffee.
After I had finished my second breakfast I had decided to partake in a rather short nap. I slept from ten o'clock in the morning until eleven o'clock in the morning, which obviously meant that it was the time for elevenses. I had twenty helpings of lemon tea cake, I ate five helpings of strawberry shortcake and six muffins. Three sour dour muffins and three blueberry muffins. I also had dranken five cups of a lovely spicy tea, which I had delivered to me from far and distant Gondor.
Once I had finished my elevenses meal, Fairworth and I went outside to my front yard in order to oversee the progress that my servants and the other hired workers have made in the regards to setting up the tents and the tables and the various other aspects for my birthday party. I attempted to share my great intellect and wisdom on party preparation with them but for some odd reason they did not seem interested in what I had to share. I could've sworn that I overheard one of the hired workers call me a "pompous arse." You can be rest assured that I will not be hiring that individual the next time I throw a party. The worst part of that interaction is Fairworth had laughed at that comment. I continued to oversee my servants and hired workers until it was twelve o'clock. After which I went back inside and I had decided to surprise my servants and hired help by cooking a spectacular luncheon for all of us as a gesture of gratitude for their efforts. For the luncheon I had prepared large servings of roast mutton, fish and chips, scotch eggs, shepherd’s pie, and beer and onion soup. I had my cook bring out a keg of ale and some mugs for us all as well. I had planned to serve our meal at one o'clock but due to the large numbers of people I was cooking for I was not finished preparing the meal until nearly half past one. After we all had feasted on my marvelous cooking the servants and hired helpers returned to their work and I had decided to go on a caravan ride throughout West Farthing.
After a deal of great difficulty, I was able to finally harness my horse, Acfred, to the traces of my gorgeous caravan. Acfred had given me a nasty kick to the belly during this process. Acfred and I went gallivanting about through West Farthing. Unfortunately, we came upon a spot of bother when we accidentally went off of the road and straight into a ditch, thus ending our ride throughout town. I decided to leave my caravan in the ditch, after all, it was a few years old and I was planning to buy another one. Thankfully, Acfred and I were unharmed. I rode Acfred back to my abode and by the time that we had arrived there it was time for afternoon tea. I had five cups of the same spicy Gondorian tea that I had during my elevenses meal, along with some ring cookies, apple pie and cream, berry pie, and mixed berry cobbler.
After I had finished with my afternoon tea, I decided that there was still some time in the afternoon before my birthday party to go for a quick sail in my brand new and very expensive boat, which I had dubbed "Sea Time." I often enjoy using my immense wit to make these charming little puns. I am quite the funny chap, or so I am told. Anyhow, I went for a quick afternoon sail in my beautiful boat, although everyone else out on the river today was shouting at me while I was trying to sail. "Learn how to sail Theudo!" "Stop it! You're going to fast Theudo!" "You knocked over my boat, Theudo!" I ignored them. They were clearly jealous of my natural abilities as a sailor. It was obvious that they were attempting to lie about my sailing abilities in order to feel better about themselves, while making a failed attempt to undermine my own self-confidence. Conceited folk never cease to baffle me. I am the least conceited person I've ever known. However, after getting into a slight accident, that one could not really blame on either party, with another vessel out on the river, and the owner of the said vessel becoming irrationally angry at me for no reason whatsoever, I had decided to sail homewards. Besides if he hadn't be sailing in the irresponsible way he was sailing, I would not have hit his blasted boat!
Eventually, I made my way back to Furryfoot Hall's docks and I tied off my boat at the dock and I then returned to my front yard in order to oversee what progress had been made for the setting up of my birthday party while I was away. It had appeared that my servants and hired workers had done a phenomenal job setting up for the party while I was away. Everything had appeared to be coming in order. So I had decided that I would stop by and pay a visit to some of the tenant farmers who work on Furryfoot Hall's farmlands. The only farmers out on the field this afternoon were the Cotton brothers, Odo and Dado. I believe that they were talking to me about something having to do with my farmland, but to be honest I was not really paying attention. I merely nodded my head and smiled. I doubt they were speaking about anything of importance, anyhow. By the time I had finished inspecting the work of my tenant farmers and returned back to my home, it was half past four. Which meant that my birthday party was to begin in less than hour! I waited in my front yard for all of the guests to arrive and I knew that my cook would be nearly finished with our vast dinner feast. But I felt that dinner time could not come soon enough, I was dreadfully hungry. As my guests had begun to arrive, I attempted to mingle with them for a little bit of time before retreating back inside of my house in order to practice the big birthday speech that I had been writing all year up until this point of time. Eventually it was five o'clock and my birthday party had just begun. I went outside and greeted all of my guests and I then gave them my speech. I would share it here but it was over an hour long and I would probably fill out every page in his journal if I even tried to write half of it in here.
After my speech, our dinner was served! We ate pepper-crusted steak, cheddar soup, spiced beef, roasted vegetables, chicken pies, savory porridge, and baked and mashed potatoes. We had Wooly-Foot stout, Green Dragon's Breathe ale, and Shire Spice ale to drink with our amazing dinner. As delightful as the dinner was, I did, however, get slightly upset when Ronol, with whom I was seated next to, said that he overheard from some folk along the riverbank who were out on the river this afternoon when I was sailing, that the boating accident that I was in earlier was in fact my fault. I had tried to explain to my dear friend that it was in fact not fault and that whoever had told him that was an idiot. But Ronol claimed that he had at least four other hobbits had claimed the same story, including the old chap that was in the collision with me. I then promptly had gotten out of seat and I then walked away in order to grab another pint or two or three of Green Dragon's Breathe ale. As much as I care for my dear friend, I will not be slandered on my own property. After returning with a belly full of beer.
After we all had finished eating our delightful feast, it was time for all of my guests to receive their mathom gifts. I was happy to see that all of my guests, both family members and friends, enjoyed what I had gotten them for my birthday, I was admittedly the most excited to see the look upon Ronol's face when he received his mathom gift from me. I had my old boat completely re-painted and I had Ronol's name inscribed on the charming little vessel. Ronol was quite grateful and he seemed to be moved by the gift. I certainly hope he enjoys it. He has been the best friend anyone could ask for. It's a funny story how Ronol and I had became friends to even begin with! His father and my father both had worked together. My father hired Ronol's father to teach him how to sail a boat and two eventually became rather close friends. Ronol is slightly older than me, so that when I was born, our fathers would have us play together. Those are some of the most cherished memories I have. We used to pretend that we were adventuring out with Bilbo Baggins throughout the world. We would use sticks that we'd find as our make-believe swords and we'd fight many foes.
After everyone had finished receiving their mathom gifts, I had the musicians began to perform merry songs for us all to dance and clap along to. Alas, I appear to have forgotten the name of the artists whom I had hired for my party. I am not one for boasting but I do believe that everyone at my party was stupefied and in awe upon seeing my natural abilities as a dancer. Alas, I did have quite a few pints before I had begun dancing so I do not remember this all entirely well. But I am nearly certain that I heard many of the guests cheer and applaud me.
After we danced to the music for a good amount of time, it was time for supper. We all had gathered around the table once again and we were served large helpings of mushroom soup, rabbit stew, roast chickens, and salad with hard-boiled eggs, and some fresh herbs. Along with the Wooly-Foot stout, Green Dragon's Breathe ale, and the Shire Spice ale to drink with our final meal of the evening. Although, I do believe that I may have gone very slightly overboard with drinking the Green Dragon's Breathe ale because after eating my meal and after I had drank four more pints of Green Dragon's Breathe ale, I do not remember a thing. I was woken up by Fairworth late at night. I appeared to have fallen asleep at the table outdoors and all of my guests were no longer there. Fairworth helped guide me back inside my house and he helped me climb into my cozy bed. However, I cannot seem to fall asleep, which is what inspired me to pull out this journal and begin to write in it. Currently, it is half past eleven. All and all, I do believe that this birthday party as an absolute success. Although I must admit it does feel strange to be thirty-eight years old now. At moments like this though, I do wish that my parents could have been here to see it. I do miss them dearly. I suppose that I should attempt to sleep now. Goodnight.
