I sent Aakusti hunting for geese. Whilst it may not have been wise to have him wandering these lands alone, it nevertheless allowed me some time to myself for which I was most grateful, and ensured that we will be well-prepared with goose fat for our faces when we walk the snowy northern lands. He seemed happy to be of some use which is strange to see.
It should not be, I suppose. The relaxed southern life is strange to him. Back in Angmar, he would have spent his days busy with numerous tasks for the good of the tribe as a whole, as would I, but it is different here and I do not think that he will ever quite come to terms with the more selfish and lazy attitudes of the Bree-landers. Perhaps this truth will be what convinces him to return to Aughaire without me for my words have had little effect thus far.
Whilst he was gone, Seaver came to speak with me. He needed some company it seems. I had heard some shouting coming from the direction of his house the night before, but had paid little attention to it; a lovers tiff is not for my ears. He spoke of it though, the quarrel between himself and his lover and I could do little but advise that he not give up on her yet. They seem to genuinely care for one another and it would be such a shame for them to lose that for the sake of one disagreement.
As the afternoon wore on, however, he became more and more intoxicated. This bothered me a little, but I did not let it show. I know not what it is about drunken men that puts me on edge; perhaps the manner in which they conduct themselves, or the way they always seem to become too friendly toward me. Whatever it was, though, I made my excuses and departed before he could start on a second bottle of brandy.
Late afternoon found me sat within my garden, utilizing the last of the daylight to complete some repairs on my old furs. Cyfier found me there. Thankfuly he had received my missive and chosen to reply in a timely fashion. Time was running short and I knew that I would soon be leaving Bree-land, but I did not wish to go without apraising him of the situation. He has enough to contend with at this time; he does not need to worry unnecessarily for my safety also. To leave without telling him would likely cause such, leading him to believe that the Legion have me. More than that, though, there was something that I felt it important to admit to him before I went.
I told him of Aakusti's arrival to begin with, and my agreement to accompany him to Forochel. He lowered his head, hiding his face from me. Perhaps I am mistaken, but it appeared to me that this news bothered him somehow, especially when he jumped to the conclusion that I had agreed to become a wife. I corrected him, of course, but then he grew... annoyed, I think, demanding to know why he should allow this man to take me anywhere. I very nearly scolded him for that, but there were more important matters at hand than semantics.
I told him then of my realisation that I had developed certain feelings for him. I did not tell him that this bothers me or why. I simply stated that they exist, that I am aware that he does not return them or welcome them and that whilst I shall continue to offer my friendship to him, I will understand should he choose to spurn it.
He was kind in his rejection, as I knew he would be, although more than a little confusing. He spoke of the centre pages of books and the days to come. He said that he could not allow such things at this time, that he was going to Moria and saw better days ahead of us. He even went so far as to say that when these better days arrive, he hopes to respond to me in a manner more to my liking. I can only assume that he implies a return to the days when our friendship was open and easier, when it was not strained by death, destruction and fear.
The news that he travels to Moria, however, fills me with dread. I have heard naught but terrible tales of that place and of the horrors that await in its dark depths. I remind myself that he is strong and capable, yet still I fear for his safety. Would that I could go with him, but I have given my word to travel elsewhere, besides my inconsiderable fighting skills would no doubt be more of a hinderance than a help to him, my presence presenting more danger than anything else.
All I can do is keep my promise to Aakusti, hope that I return from Forochel in one piece and still unmarried, and that I again meet Cyfier in a more pleasant future.
