Dear Diary,
It is not my wont to write down my thoughts nor deeds. Things are best left undocumented my mentor always taught me. Leave no evidence. Yet I feel the need to unburden myself. This is the only method I have available to me. I have no friends to whom I might confess my feelings or thoughts. Yet they are too heavy for me to keep inside myself. I must purge myself so that I can continue with the plans and arrangements for the ball that I will hold in just a few weeks. What is this all about you ask? A man of course, what else?
In spite of the lessons my mentor taught me; be selfsufficient, never rely on another, keep them at a distance, never reveal your secrets; I found myself trusting this man. More than that, I fell head over heels in love with him. It was the worst thing that could happen. I knew it, yet I could not stop it.
And now, my world is shattered. He has left me. The one whom I trusted. The one whom I thought was my companion, my soulmate. I miss him even as I write these words. One day all was fine, the next, a cold shoulder, barely a word... only enough words to let me know any previous words spoken to me were empty, meaningless. Lies in fact. I had believed the lies though; I gave him my heart and my body, he gave me a necklace and in spite of the meaning jewellery has for me, I wore it and was happy for a while. The very briefest of whiles. But now it is ended it seems, so soon and barely had it begun. I just don't understand what it is I did wrong. Yet his actions and words told me it was my fault.
I saw him the other night at the Pony. Not a word, not a look was exchanged. The emptiness inside me brought on by his coldness is overwhelming. It is as if I am a child again and Hayden once again is torn from me. But it will not be seen. I refuse to break. I -will- not.
Unsigned
