I've done all I can. I've sat with the it in hand, stomach tied in knots, thinking about becoming a father. When I look back upon my own childhood, oblivious to who my father was, only seeing him as an enigma to ponder and hate, I realize how much this can mean to me. An actual child. An infant so sweet and un-corrupted by the foul of the world, completely and utterly relying upon those that bear it love.
It has been a few days since I got to speak to Evagelline. Of course I miss her, being holed-up in our room like that. I asked her to marry me last time, something I did more for her than me. It'll honestly make no difference to me. For can love be truly measured in ink? Will that magically bind you two together? I don't know. But it'd make no remarkable difference, either. I just don't carry much faith in the ways of law, I'm afraid. No man or woman should be forced to do anything.
I spoke to Amoryl. She seems to be doing well after her dastardly, dangerous trip to the Dwarves in the West. She's sweet, though. Brought us gifts when she came back. Twisting a new song, as per usual.
Yesterday I came from the Shire and would be on my way back there again next week. These trips has been rather welcome, too. Strangely so. This new contract Taala gave gave me might be for now the only way in which I am able to make coin. And by gods I need it now more than ever. I'm glad to be back, however. Had to for The Bloody Dawn. Some of them bastards I've come to view as family already. In any case, I need to keep my blades sharp for tomorrow I hear. The previous charge I was given, to watch over the mute lass, Falraenn, seemed to need assistance.
Tonight, though, I'm just going to get pissed. Good and proper. Thoroughly so, too. I'm tired.
