~ A crumpled up and yellowed parchment, frayed at the edges and worn from continued folding along the middle, would lie thrown somewhere in Combe, blowing in the Spring breeze ~
I came in through the back door of the Comb and Wattle; Lizz entrusted me with the key - I should stop coming here, it's not doing me any good. But alas, here I am pulled once again, perhaps by old reminiscence or not.
It was a quite a day, to say the least. Bastards coming and once again firing their egotistical and narrow-minded, bigoted and biased opinions on Piperel and myself's relationship. No, I don't believe in their type of fake honor, cowards, neither does it interest me to know of their false oaths. They can take their high and mighty attitude and shove it there up their arse as far as it can go. Unfortunately, it won't reach anywhere, being as short I've seen honor can be. First chance it nips and bites them in the arse, they tend to conveniently ignore such minor and bothersome details. Mm, cunts? Righteous filth. For what it has to do with them, other than wanting into her pants, that I'm seeing Pip? Sorry, I should probably try to constrain my anger to some degree. But if this Watcher Corrben, her brother, was not the worst. I dare them to come speak to me, to come and address their oh so valid concerns. Just go kiss a damn orc, or bed a bloody goblin. I don't give a damn. I don't have time for this crap. Honestly.
And now... well, now I'm half with one boot in the muck, the other in a gutter. Pip asked me a while ago to stay true to her, to forsake my wandering eyes. Not even Eva asked that of me; but we were honest, we trusted each other. I trusted her and she trusted me. I want that again, that trust. It's a difficult and hard substance to acquire, however; fickle and elusive, like catching water ciphering through desperately grasping fingers. Is it within my ability to trust again? Do I trust myself? I do, in a way, that I've been honest to those that has won the privilege of such a strong truth. That, my friend, is honor. Not your talk-behind-someone's-back, gossipy, bullshit.
But why does it bother me? Why does it even irk me thinking of her in someone else's bed? The only frightening reason I can come up with is that - I don't know – I am starting to fall for this girl. Told her I loved her.
It has been such a long time since Eva that I've been happy. Taala and Amoryl knows this. Amoryl herself came to speak to me the other day. I could see she has crying although she hid it to the best of her feeble attempts. When she told me she had something to tell, I was dreading the worst – Eva is now really gone? Did she find something out? That she... ? No. No news. Only the same old unanswered questions.
This is hard for me to write, to think about, for I still love her. We promised each other never to forget before I left Lake Town. And strangely – fuck their so called honor – I never did. Amoryl told me I am free to move on if I chose; that I am afforded something else in life, other than this melancholy that plagued my existence. It sounded as if she's letting go, and that it was the reason for her tears. I've come to love Amoryl like a sister, my only family I have in Bree; and for her not to scorn me with judgemental glares like the rest, means a great deal. I will never be the filth my own father was.
I wish life was simple, with no such horrible implications of the heart, and only the lust of the loin. It would have been so much easier, less scary, if I just kept my distance from those green eyes. But how could I? I reckon such things is only but unavoidable.
Piperel told me last about the rent she needed to pay, about looking for a decent paying job. I saw Taala taking a liking to her; something of an anomaly to her usual sneers and curses she throws towards the rest of the Bree-town belles. They're getting long like two right real hens in a coop. I took Pip with me to the Dawn Hall the next day, hoping to catch Taala busy with her duties, perhaps speak to our captain, Basaran as well, if he's there. “The Bear” contract I just lost any hope of redeeming, considering the jealous knight of Rohan is the damn contact that would deliver the coin. One reason one should never mix business with pleasure.
Officially, Pip's now part of the Dawn's payroll. I warned her of the circumstances she'd be working in. Not the best for a beautiful lass like herself. But it looks like she'd manage just about fine.
