I know this isn't in my best interest to write any of these thoughts out, and I'm very certain it will backfire horrendously, though.. for my own sake and possibly those around me, I guess I will.
In order for me to not ramble on and on about my... love life or lack thereof on all of this parchment I 'borrowed' from Sharkey's men, I may as well discuss the matter with Dufr and the Rovers on the contract. As of late, I am concerned he has grown more and more distant from me. Even when we talk together, he has left me to either Thorin's Hall, or to bed with nearly no word. I know Dufr's secretive nature, sure, but I can't help but suspect he may be getting fed up with me and my ideas... As for Lockewood, he has been my only company whenever I am not in the Prancing Pony, though even then I may be going mad from his antics. On the other hand, he has proven himself more than capable of putting up a good fight, and even providing assistance when I needed him to do so. My hope is for Dufr to come around, so the party can be three instead of two, or even just myself.
-Some writing has been scribbled out, presumably trying to figure a way to begin this next paragraph-
Now comes the most awkward part of this writing endeavor. That of course would be my relationship with Brynleigh, Conrob, and Cesistya respectively. I have made it no secret about my feelings for her, time and time again, in fact even declaring my love for her at her bedside some time ago. However, I may end up regretting that, since she has found another in Conrob. He is an honorable man, especially since he has one foot in the grave already. I do wish the both of them happiness, though from time to time, my heart feels ripped in two. I will need to discuss the matter with the both of them, but I fear this measure will backfire on me. Just a few nights ago, I could almost hear Brynleigh and Conrob arguing about something, to the point the poor girl was in tears, if her face and expression was anything to go by. I just wanted to ask what was going on, and to help the two work things out, though apparently, it was threatening to break any friendship with Conrob... -there is something pertaining to how Conrob may turn on Aallan scribbled out-
Then there is Cesistya, the scholarly maiden from Lothlorien. As of late, she has become more and more appealing to me, since she is rather charming for such a winsome elf. -Something about Cesistya and water is crossed out- However, I could not help but notice Brynleigh's sadness in her eyes when she saw me with her... If she is to marry, why would she concern herself with me? Perhaps it's still lingering mutual feelings, who knows?
In any case, I have been feeling rather alone lately, and with Nex completely out of the question, I hope I can find something to fill in this void. Bryn has told me it is not healthy to use such crutches for my troubles, though it is tempting to do so. Robbing treasures from brigands and orcs has not brought me any thrill either... I should end this writing before someone notices his inkwell and quill are missing.
