(This is from a RP over a year ago. I am just catching up. It follows 'Of Belegos' )
The following morning Belegos was gone.
I had bathed late the previous night, and set out a plain but clean blue gown, the only one I had apart from an unsuitably elegant silver dress, in Tham Forodren. I took a light breakfast of fruit as I considered what the day held.
It had been planned that I was to meet Estarfin in Imlad Gelair, in the early morn. I knew that to be one of his favourite places, so I had no disagreement about it. But there was this: Ruineth worked the forge there, and it was due to Ruineth’s insistence that Estarfin was her Lord that I had kept away from him after our rescue in the Hithaeglir. I knew she loved him and that she believed they were together. What I knew not was how matters had changed.
So I walked down from the house in the North of the Vale, past the Last Homely House, across the bridge, and into the rock encircled refuge. It was a bright spring day; the birds made merry tunes, all boded well. And yet, from her only previous encounter with me, I suspected that she hated me. I wanted the peace to remain that day, but would it?
I halted behind the long grasses at the edge of the lake, by the bridge to the pavillion, set therein. Tilting my face up to the misty golden light that flooded the place, I breathed a sigh of contentment. It was obvious why Estarfin, and others, found this place exceptional. But there was no sign of him yet.
I glanced over to the Forge area, and bowed my head. Crisdur and Rombrennil, who were working there, nodded back. Ruineth saw me, her expression changed from focused on work to one of haughty disdain. Then she turned her back to me. I could understand why she may think such behaviour to be appropriate. She was probably aware that Estarfin had ridden out of Imladris to find me, and now returned some months later with me. It was likely painful to her.
I turned to view the lake, drawing in the peace and beauty of the place. I needed not her approval, though I would have preferred not her enmity. Then there was the sound of soft footfall approaching. I turned to see Estarfin, garbed in his familiar red hauberk.
“Well met,” I said, with a smile of greeting. “Standing here, I do understand the attraction of remaining in one place.”
He nodded. He smiled slightly. “There is something about this place,” he replied. Then he looked around and nodded to the crafts folk but Ruineth remained with her back turned.
“Echos of what we once knew,” he added, turning to look at me.
I pondered for a moment. “It reminds me of the Prince’s Gardens, under the Lord’s Tower where I dwelt.”
Estarfin also seemed to be pondering. “This place brings a sense of peace, both to the spirit and the mind it seems.”
For the first time since we had begun travelling together he looked really happy.
“Indeed, it seems to have that quality.” I moved a little closer to see the view he had. He was looking at the fir covered hills.
“For whatever reason, we only visited the gardens in winter. They were hard, cold.”
“Oh?”
“There was beauty, but the same beauty as a frost, or the snow on the pines,” he explained, with something of a far-away look in his eyes.
“So do I recall that. But you dwelt nearer the watch tower, by the keep? Nearer the main path through the Citadel.”
He nodded.
“Did you not frequent the gardens there? As I recall they were also beautiful, but somewhat smaller, and more practical.”
He shrugged. “There were flowers and trees…and a statue.”
“I remember that,” I said with a warm smile. “My friends and I sometimes played there. The guards were friendlier than the ones in our garden. Then I thought nothing would change, save we all grew up. Now I know all things change, even us, and the memory of beauty is more acute for it.”
Again Estarfin was pondering. “I have never fully understood the purpose of them. Gardens I mean. Why tame what is wild?”
I tilted my head to one side. I thought I knew what he meant. Some gardens were so formal, so planned they added little save to the vanity of the owner. “The best gardens are still wild, I think. Not all are organised by our hands. Just a selection of plants and trees as they would grow, or as they have done. To overplan lessens the tranquility.”
Estarfin raised his head from thought. “It seems false to plan. It is not as things naturally grow, and serves no purpose. If you grow for a purpose, so be it. But for vanity only?” He frowned slightly.
“I went to the gardens to play, as a child. To imagine I was one of the first to awaken in among Yavanna’s creations, or to build snow forts in the winter. But later I went to them if I was unclear of thought, or needed inspiration. Though I always found walking along the edge of Lake Helevorn most inspirational of all.”
Estarfin nodded slowly then said, “The wild pines on the ridge, that was inspiration enough. The purple of the heather. The green grass. That was inspiration.”
I smiled as I remembered. I could almost smell the fragrance of the mountains and meadows, hear the buzzing of bees and the birdsong, the playing of children and the calling of guards and merchants. I was almost there again, walking through the Citadel, seeing the artisans at work, joining swimmers in the Lake, watching him from a distance. Instinctively I reached out, wanting to lay a hand on his arm that we shared the memory, but I halted. I was unsure, even now, that it would be seemly.
Instead, I let my hand drop to brush the skirt of my dress but nodded and said, “I remember. They were my favourite places, those planned by nature.” An awareness overcame me, that Thargelion put even Imlad Gelair into shade by its sheer grandeur. Home!
“Here I can find peace, but also in Celondim. And on that note, I have been meaning to say you have wandered with me these past months: may it be I try remaining in one place with you for awhile?”
He looked curiously at me.”You would remain in Imladris?”
I hesitated then replied, “I would rather it was Celondim…for now?” I had been long absent from my home in the west, and knew there was likely still much that required attention.
Estarfin thought for a moment.
And I thought he was more important to me than Celondim. “If you would rather remain here, then I shall also. You have followed me many times. Perhaps it is time I follow you?”
He looked at me directly, a small smile on his face. “I have found precious little peace by walking my own path. For now, I am happy to follow.”
So he would continue travelling with me! I could not help but smile, as I bowed my head in acknowledgment.
But there was one other matter on my mind.
“Ruineth does not speak with you?” I asked.
He looked over at the smith, her back was still turned towards us.
“No,” he replied.
“But you were close to her.” I wished I was not compelled to pursue the matter, but I would not encourage Estarfin to leave if he still wanted to be with Ruineth. I knew he had not in any way been with her recently, because he had been with me. He had not spoken of her but that did not mean he had not been thinking of her.
“Not that close. We mostly spoke of crafting,” he replied, looking just a touch uncomfortable.
At that moment she turned from her work, and saw us standing together. There was anger in her eyes as she swiftly turned away.
“What happened?” I asked him. “Can I help at all? Maybe if I spoke with her - ”
“You are free to do as you will, but that will not improve matters,” he said, watching after her a moment more.
“Estarfin?”
He sighed. “I told her what I was. She could not accept it.”
“You told her you were a kinslayer?” I said bluntly. It was the obvious thing to tell, that another could not accept.
He nodded. “It is no issue for you, so I believe?” He turned to look in my eyes. “You have long known what I am and you know why. There is no issue between us on the matter. But she is a lot younger, and not of our time. She wanted nothing more to do with me.”
“Why did you tell her?” I had an idea why, but I needed to hear it from him.
“To drive her away. It was clumsily done on my part, but I could not give her what she wanted.”
We looked at each other for a few moments more. Much was still unsaid, but I knew he was free to depart with me.
“You are sure I should not try and speak with Ruineth, and try to mend matters?”
“There is no mending,” he replied. “I do not tell you to help, or not to help. The choice is yours. But the outcome will be the same.”
I felt sorry for her then. She had not been pleasant to me in the past. She had not understood. But I disliked seeing anyone hurt.
Estarfin turned to look at the high walls of the exit. “We should make ready for the journey East. I will be ready by tomorrow. It has been long since I was nigh the sea.”
I nodded. I would not intrude on Ruineth’s thoughts at that time.
