((Reposted from several years ago. Part of the conversation between Estarfin and Danel, just before he lost his memory.))
“Happier days,” replied he, not giving an inch of ground, though his hands fell idle at his side.
“Happier days?” I echoed his words, unable to accept them as his answer. So it was I made my decision, and that to lower my own defense in an attempt to draw him forth.
“You speak as if all we had was in the past. Do you not know what you mean to me?” Now I had begun it was as if I had opened a floodgate of feelings. Despite my intent to spar as effectively as possible, I found I lunged wildly. “I have lost family, friends, home and sense of purpose. Those few from Thargelion who survived, who remained into the present Age I can count on the fingers of one hand. I have no one left.....save you! You are my friend, my cousin, my brother. You are my family entire!”
Estarfin's jaw tightened, whether with anger or effort to suppress emotions of his own I knew not. He paled slightly, regarding me with a look of disbelief.
“You.....did not betray me then?”
“Betray you! What do you mean?”
He regarded me openly for a moment, hesitant to speak it seemed.
“Lady....you know me better than any this side of the Great Sea.” the words were drawn from him at some cost.
“And you know me better than any this side of the Great Sea,” I retorted evenly. “But in what manner do you think I betrayed you?”
“Sogadan said you had spoken to Belegos and turned him against me. He said you had spoken ill of me to many in Imladris.”
“Sogadan! The vintner!” I nigh hissed with anger. Now it was my turn for disbelief. “You listened to something that passer of gossip said and believed it truth!”
I turned and lowered my head a moment as Golgalion, doubtlessly drawn by my raised tone, passed close by on his patrol around the ruins. I would not have a guard behold the redness that had crept over my cheeks, nor know I was in any distress.
Estarfin nodded to the sword at my hip, and the spear he carried, assuring Golgalion we were safe enough.
“By the Valar, why did you listen to him! Why did you not confront me?” still was my voice lowered so as not to draw attention to us both. But my anger blazed hot at what I considered such folly. So it was I was unprepared for the heavy blow Estarfin landed.
“How could I speak with you, after what I had done? How could I dare to approach you? And there was no word from you. Though I asked others after your well-being, there was none who asked after mine. No word came from any to me, save the letter you had that fool deliver. You 'knew not if you wished for my company at all'. I had expected no less.”
Now his defenses were also lowered, that I could feel the anguish of his perceived rejection. Utterly alone..again...had he felt. And I had not once sent word inquiring after him. Rightly had he named me 'betrayer' I thought in that moment.
“Belegos was yet in the Vale, but I could not find him, neither did he seek me out.” Estarfin continued. “Bereft of all communication from you both, what was I to believe?”
He was vulnerable. Despite all, he cared!
And so did I. I lowered my 'weapons' to the ground. Firmly but gently now I spoke.
“Belegos was angry to start with. Can you understand? He and Nerinthir came upon me as I made my way home from our...encounter.... Had I the time or the wherewithal, I would have hidden my injuries from him. As it was, I spent a short time speaking with him that he knew me in no great pain.” I halted a moment, looking meaningfully to Estarfin. “He saw with his own eyes, and could draw his own conclusions. But he is as your brother.” Reaching out, I laid a hand on Estarfin's arm. He did not flinch, nor withdraw, but regarded me yet with pain of his own. “He loves you dearly, Estarfin, and in no way is against you. In this you must believe me, rather than the vintner!”
“And you?”
I pondered a moment, looking overhead at the clearing sky as I did. A few stars now sparkled in the firmament. A clearer night it would be before the dawn.
“There are very few who I yet trust Estarfin. Life has taught me to be most..wary. But you.....” I looked back to him, bathed in starlight as he suddenly was. “You I trust most of all.”
Both of us were silent for a short space of time.
“You know why we argue so much, lady?” asked he of a sudden, with a hint of humour in his eyes.
Ai, I knew, but I said “It is because we are both of the people of Caranthir, and fiery even among those. How else could we be?”
We both laughed.
“But this I must ask of you most solemnly.” I raised a hand to emphasise it was a matter of import. “Do not ever give credence to the words of Sogadan over mine again!”
Holding up both hands almost in horror at my mention of the name, Estarfin nodded. “So be it!”
“Then we are agreed!” stated I. “Though I make no promise never to argue with you again.”
A small knowing grin touched my lips as I continued. “Indeed, I confess I rather enjoy our...arguments.”
At that he lowered his head in a bow, a broad grin on his own face. “As do I, my lady!”
We parted a short while after, as the first lights of Anor warmed the eastern horizon. I to spend time with my own thoughts concerning the journey – he to listen and learn of the birds nearby.
“May it be there is yet some beauty remaining in Eregion,” said he with a smile as he departed.
And I was happier than I had been for many a season.
