Ah, the wailing of babes. Is there any wonder I am going out of my mind unable to think. Sweet and gentle Kríea, I still do not know how she views our relationship. It was never formally so or ever spoken of. She is so unwell she has hardly moved from bed. I forgot what it is like to be woken at all hours by infants. That is the only reason I touch you, you infernal book.

I met a woman the other day whilst I was brooding over Taala's letter and reflecting upon it, Contemplating what I should write in response but my mind draws a blank. I have not yet formally presented myself before the company. There are too many distractions, I was relieved for it at the time for the woman I got talking to was happy and oblivious and for a short while I could forget my troubles and laugh and joke and have fun.

Who am I? Is the question I would utter on this cool spring night. I should have stayed on those southern shores. Away from this wretched place. Most men would be pleased to meet their newborn son for the first time but I am not most men. I grow weary of my life, weary of secrets. I need to share them with someone once more or I will burst. Erinwyn once said the dark compulsions I feel, the fact that I even question them shows in me a sign that I am capable of redemption. Perhaps even reconciliation with what I am. Maybe she was right. But the urges are still there.

So ends another chapter in my life, Aemalia, as much as I wish I could have helped you. I fear the pain runs too deep. May you find the peace and happiness you so truly deserve. Before you ask oh curious reader, No, she was not yet another object of my desire. Sweet though she was, delicate even. I did not think of her in that way ultimately. Her mere presence in my home since I saved her from the cruel men who tormented her and abused her thus had become more of a burden on my already damaged spirit than anything else. In the end it would have done me more harm than good.

So, here we are again. I did not expect that I should be writing again so soon. I cannot sit there and plaster on a smile and keep my composure after the last three days or so. Taala was the one who broke the news to me, So eaten up I was with regards to Rannie's dissappearance on my recent business trip the news hit me hard.

It has been a long time since my last entry, the contents of which can seem to make me cringe, I have come to terms with the beast within me, it is well satiated this month. I have been expanding my courier enterprises since last I wrote, my cart was assailed by brigands. Kríea's trauma will heal in time from her brief captivity by them. I am still not certain as how I managed to get her out of it and still preserve the precious Lynx furs that were my cargo.